For The Better

In the Dark

A/N: hey guys! This story may start a bit slow so bear with me. As you can see Elle Fanning is the picture above. I see my main character Rosie looking simaliar to Elle but by all means if it doesn't suit your imagination feel free to think otherwise. Also at the end of every chapter I will include a journal entry from Rosemary. The journal will play a big part later so don't skip!

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I know she would have wanted me to live life to the fullest but instead I spent 97 percent of my time curled into the fetal position on my closet floor. My mother was 6 ft under and people actually had the audacity to expect me to go about my life like nothing was wrong. She was dead and never coming back so I refuse to listen to the doctors or anyone else's opinion for that matter. My aunt Misty was the worse. She was endlessly nagging me to go to the lake and get some sunshine. To be honest I can't remember the last time I took a shower or changed my underwear so going outside was the least of my worries. But my aunt was a hippie so she believes exposure to nature is the best medicine.

Yeah right.

I was both mentally and physically drained dispite the fact that I lock myself in my dark closet day in and day out and wear sound reducing headphones to block Misty's constant harrassment. Not to mention, my skin was ice cold like I was dead myself.

I wish. . .

I wish my mom was alive and healthy.

I wish I was back in Seattle living my normal day to day life.

I wish I didn't spend every waking minute hating the God my mother loved tirelessly even when he was killing her.

I wish . . .

If I could do it over I would have taken my mom in the see the doctor sooner. She didn't believe in the power of modern medicine and instead relied on God and natural remedies. I should have pressured her the minute she started to feel stomach pain. My mother had an amazing immune system so deep down I knew something was up when she started taking naps daily and stopped eating regularly. I ignored my gut and I was paying for it now. I could have prevented my mom's death but I didn't even try.

My mother and I had a close relationship that almost resembled a friendship. I loved her like she was my best friend and vise versa. I told her every thing, All my silly crushes, worries, and dreams. I would do anything to hear her whisper my name and rub my back like she always did when I was feeling down or upset.

All I want is for everything to go back to the way it was. . .

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I heard my Aunt swear under her breath and I ignored her loud attempt to get me to open the door. The lock rattled aggressively and the door swung open allowing my first dose of blinding sunlight this week to pour in. I shielded my eyes and saw Misty standing with her hands on her hips. She was wearing a floral maxi dress and her long bright blonde hair was wavy and down to her lower back. She rolled her blue eyes, walked into the enclosed space and knelt beside me.

"Rosie, honey, look at you! You're a mess!" She tucked a strand of limp greasy hair behind my ear and brushed my cheek bone with the pad of her thumb while giving me a sympathetic look.

I buried my face into my sleeve to block out her pity filled voice but she slipped my headphones off dispite my attempt to grab them from her. She rubbed my back and nudged me to a sitting position "Rosie, what would your mother say if she saw you living like this?"

I bit my lip and shrugged. I tried to avoid my Aunts steady gaze by pretending to be fascinated with picking at the shag carpet.

"Dawn would be so disappointed. Your not the only the one hurting, babe. I lost my sister, she was my best friend and life time buddy. But even though I'm grieving I still take take care of myself and don't neglect my needs. It is vital that we let your mother know we can survive without her."

Somewhere inside of me I knew my aunt was right but I still didn't want to accept it. My mom was probably nodding her bread in agreement with her little sister's speech somewhere up there. I hated how Misty used the "what would your mother think/say" card on me.

I groaned and flopped back down onto the floor. "You win!" I croaked. "I'll take a shower and eat whatever you prepared."

My aunt laughed. "Actually I was going to take you to a little cafe called the corner bakery."

I sighed. "I didn't think you would go that far."

"Oh Rosie, you haven't left a 5 foot radius from your bedroom door in 2 weeks. You need to get out into the open and explore the town. If you give it a chance I promise you'll love it."

"And if I don't?"

"I will stop nagging you about getting outside."

"Really?"

My aunt rolled her eyes. "Hell no. What kind of Auntie would I be if I didn't force you to do things that are for your own benefit. You mom would have killed me if I let you wither away to nothing in a tight dark closet."

I rolled onto my back and stared at the popcorn cieling. I imagined picking off the rough beads of plaster one by one. "There is no use in arguing is there?"

"Nope, so get your hiney up and at 'em while I get your shower ready."

Dear someone who cares,
I was popular... I thought I had it all. An amazing boyfriend, friends, grades, and looks. Its funny that the minute my life consisting of gunko tea, vintage boutiques, flawless hair, and feigned satisfaction crumbled exposing me as just a girl short extraordinary. I was merely human and all my magic was lost. I say I changed my number to isolate myself but the reality of my life was too much. The silence was far more deafening than any amount of notification buzz and blaring ringtones. Changing my number gave me an out. A way to make myself feel okay. Day in and day I told myself "they don't know how to reach you... They care... They want to reach you they really do... If they knew they would be here in the blink of an eye..

Lies... I'm constantly trying convince myself to believe my bullshit lies.

If your listening,
Rosemary

A/N: ehhh ehh?  Whatta think? Anyone else in love with Misty? Dang her positivity is absolutely infectious.  Don't forget to comment and vote. Feel free to point out any errors in my grammar/punc. Consructive critique is welcome as well. And please note that when someone tells the truth there are two ways to do it. Helpful/ polite.... And just plain BITCHY.. please don't be the latter. I really don't appreciate those who are unnecessarily cruel.
XxxOoo,
BandanasAndBareFeet