Let's take it all back

Erica

I always imagined myself to be a peaceful and loving kind of girl. But, sure, that would be pretty pointless right now. Now, I'm just struggling to provide for myself. I would visit my psychiatrist but he left town a few months ago. I live in an apartment far from the busy suburbs. It was always nosiy at night, you can often here the gun shots. I've been dealing with so much ever since I graduated from Yale.
I know.
Irony.
But that's what you get when you have a single dad who's posted in Afghanistan and isn't due for return in 6 more years. Mom died of cancer a year back. But I love my home. I haven't had that many friends in a long time. They've all disappeared from my grasps over the span of 5 years. But that isn't very important now.
I'm trying to get ready to talk to another psychiatrist. His post is in the country estate and I don't really like rich people very much. But I need this session. My mind is messed up and I need an expert to fix it.

I took a can to the estate. It smelled of lavender. I wanted to drown myself in all of the flowers and gardens I passed by. Everybody was so prim and proper it was like visiting the white house and all other small white huts. I haven't seen so many bright and empty streets. So many happy people. So much quiet. It's something I haven't been used to in such a long time.

I reached the building. It was small, compared to the houses. But it was definitely bigger than my apartment. I met the receptionist. She was very friendly, telling me to wait for my turn. The hours passed by more and more and I realized how early I was. I've read through so many vogue magazines I now know how to make the perfect summer outfit.
"Ms Miller, the doctor will be with you in just a second, but you can sit down first in his office," the lady said with a smile.
I nodded and smiled back. The room was very spacious and there were lots of crooked shelves around the room. I would not be very pleased with how the room was designed. After all, I did study to become an architect. I knew many things about design and planning but I had to drop out of school and help mum at home with cancer, having no dad to be there.
"So, you're Eri-", the familiar voice was too deafening in my small ears.
"Phillip?"
"What are you doing here?"
"I came to see a psychiatrist to get my mind checked after what happened between you and I."
"Nothing happened between you and I. There was never a thing that happened."
"Yes and those words made me want to kill myself at the age of 17. But I couldn't because my mum still needed me. And do you think I'm happy to see you?"
"I'm not very delighted to see you either."
"And I don't really care that much about what you feel because what you feel is extremely confusing. First you loved me, next, you don't."
"I've moved on for fuck's sake Erica! Why don't you do the same too and stop playing games with me. I don't have time for you."
"OK! Wait look, I still paid money for this session and I don't intend to waste it. Can we talk?"
"There's nothing to talk about."
"There's a lot we haven't talked about and you know that."
"Fine."