Let's take it all back

Memories - Erica

The memories started flowing and all I wanted was to get a good view of everything I've missed out on ever since September. All the chocolates on valentine's day, the roses, the teddy bears, the matching bracelets and shirts. Everything I saw around me was tied to a memory.

The sun reminded me of the time he looked at the sun once during summer vacation and was blinded by the rays it gave off. Then he hit his head into a stop sign on the street. That was the day my Dad sent a letter back home saying he's missed mom and I.

The grass reminded me of the time we spent the night before spring break ended, lying on our backs and watching the stars. That was the first time I laid my head on his chest and slept in the very crucial moment when he whispered "I love you".

The taxi reminded me of the time during winter when we got lost around the streets while looking for the nearest Starbucks to get hot cocoa. He didn't drink coffee and I did but he used to say how the black coffee resembled my eyes.

The pancakes I had for breakfast reminded me of fall when all we did was talk and talk and talk on his garden swing, reliving old memories and thinking about what would happen in the future when we do actually spend our lives together.

The day we met I fell in love with him. I had my first kiss that day and I could feel fireworks. Every day after that we just started hanging out at his place and we sang duets together. His guitar complimented his hair. We sang ballads together and those were the high points of our relationship. Every time I think of him I want to sit beside him on his bed and sing with him. He was a jock but he had a great voice. I couldn't compare to his musical talent but I had always out-sung him. And after all those songs we would just lay in bed admiring the tapestry. Every night before I go to sleep I would think of him and I wondered if he ever thought about me. Every night I'll tell him to dream of me. Every night he said he will. Every night we exchanged I love you's before we went to sleep. But we didn't fit together. We were complete opposites but he appreciated that about our relationship. He always said opposites attracted and only until we broke up then I thought about what I could've said to him. That a broken magnet loses its strength to hang on. I was the broken magnet. Everything about my life was messed up. But he still said "I love you" every night.

When someone says the three words, it's a promise they make to someone. It's a vow that comes before a marriage. It's used to tell someone that you'd be there no matter what it takes and you'll never throw anything away and everything about them will be enough for you. It's a committment. I've never said those words as many times as he had. I threw our ring into the ocean. That's when I knew I fucked up.

I miss him.