Let's take it all back

He broke me - Erica

I'm not going to argue with what he said. He was right. Maybe I did deserve better. But I don't want to accept the fact that I could've avoided him in my life. He was the only person to have actually noticed me and I forgot what my miserable life was before him. He made me feel so much and I wanted to kill myself. I don't want to accept knowing that I deserved better and he thought so. He thought he was never good enough, being a playboy and all that shit, but he stopped everything for me. He changed for me. Love changes a person but I changed his heart so much that he actually asked himself if he was ever good enough for someone like me.
Of course I still have feelings for Phillip. He was my everything. But he's changed.
His strawberry blond hair turned darker, the bags under his eyes became heavier, but his eyes still as blue as the night sky. I thought he was my forever. But I held myself back for my family. I still never knew if the decision I made was actually right and it makes me want to kill myself knowing I loved him that much to even reconsider being with my family.

August 2006
The story of how we met was actually really funny. Freshman year. There was a big orientation night for the freshmen. It was at the beach a few hundred meters from campus. I was just trying to even start a conversation with someone. Anyone. I just walked along the tide, being careful not to get my brand new pairs of sneakers wet. Phillip James was that young jock who pretty much had his whole life planned out for him. He had already made it into the school's basketball team as part of the starters or whatever that meant. He was already hanging out with the school seniors and they were playing football along the beach when one throw just so happened to be coming right at me and Phil was there in time to catch the football but he didn't pay much attention to where he was actually jumping too. Long story short, we both fell into the salty sea and we both got soaked. By the time I came up, everybody was busy laughing and pointing to notice the tears in my eyes. I was humiliated at that point. Phillip was the only one who noticed and he just took my hand and walked me back to campus to get me to my dorm room to wash up. Did I mention I had a crush on him? Not the point. He was going to stand outside my dorm room and wait for me but I told him to come in because he was wet and probably going to catch a cold. I went inside the toilet and washed myself. "I'm very sorry," was the first thing I heard from him when I came out. He had really blue eyes that I could drown myself in. It was such a deep shade of blue. His strawberry blond hair was spread out all over his milk face. He took off his jacket, leaving only a wet white shirt. "Are you ok? You're drooling," he said.
"Oh, really? Well this is embarrassing."
"No, you're not drooling," he laughed. I nudged him. "You have one of the most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen." Our faces were so close I could feel the hot air expel from his mouth as he breathed out. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"Erm-" and that's when he leaned forward and kissed me. And I did not want to resist.

Now
What is love?

I don't know

I just know that

It completely broke me.