Let's take it all back

The number 19 - Erica

Have you ever had the feeling you loved someone so much it almost isn't enough? Well I first wrote this down somewhere in my diary and I couldn't help but think of it as really accurate as of this moment. I'm sure someone might get this someday.

Exactly 2 months have past since Phillip came to visit. Exactly 6 years since the day it all ended. September the 19th was my Friday the 13th.
Phillip has never meant to hurt me. He had always been there for me, no matter how clingy I get, no matter how tired he is. He's always there to tell me he loved me. And I found that a bit too much to handle. Our relationship was a meant-to-be at the wrong time. And it's pretty messed up and sad, I guess. The world pulled us so far apart from each other and placed us in the same country. But still, I will never be able to help falling in love with him. Almost every day after that September 19th I cried and cried and cried until one night, it all stopped. I was sick and tired of crying over the mistake I made and all I knew was that I wanted him back here, next to me, making sure the tears don't wet the floor. How could he have moved on that easily, I thought. Immediately after that he was back up and running as fast as he could away from me. Was there a reason? Was he really in love with me?

Sometimes I get scared of the fact that Phillip might actually be what everyone said he would be. I was never against Tiffany. We were high school   acquaintances   . But she was popular and I was not very friendly and approachable. But the mere fact that the minute I stopped everything, he left so easily-

It just can't be explained.

You give your heart to someone. You give everything you have held for 17 years of your life to someone you just barely met. You, as a kid, your life goal was to find that someone who would make you happy for the rest of your life. And by already giving so much to your best friends, you knew that you needed to save more for Mr. Right. And when you finally meet him, time slows down. Everything stops. You forget you're you and he forgets he's him. You lock eyes and you suddenly know that this is what you want, that this was worth the wait. And as every day passes, you give him all of you and he accepts everything you're willing to give to him. He doesn't care about your flaws because he thinks they're beautiful. He doesn't care about what rumors people have spread about you because he knows they're not you. He gives you everything you ever want and need in life and he would not stop. And when it all goes wrong, time slows down. Everything stops. You guys forget about "us" and "we". You lock eyes and you suddenly know that this was a mistake, that this should not have happened. And as every day passes, every little thing disappears from your grasp. He doesn't care anymore. He stops.