Feel Alive(Adopted By Mikey Way)

5~Shallan & Mikey

I wake in my bunk on the bus. I push the curtain aside and hop off the bunk. I walk into the kitchen. Mikey and Gerard are drinking coffee. Mikey sees me and immediately puts his cup down. He walks over and wraps me in a hug.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay."

"Just let me know if you need anything."He pulls away from me and grabs a mug off the counter. He holds it out to me. I take it and take a sip. I go to find my book. It's not on the couch where I left it...whenever I last read it. What time is it? I find my watch in my suitcase and according to it the time is 8:21 am EST. I look around my bunk and the couch, but find no sign of my book. I make my way back to the kitchen.

"Have you seen my book?" I ask Mikey. His ears go slightly pink and he nods. He walks past me and to the back lounge. A minute later he comes back with my book.

"Thanks." Mikey nods. I nod back and walk back to my bunk. I crawl in and lay there reading. Suddenly the bus lurches forward. I guess it's time to hit the road. The curtain gets pushed back.

"I just thought I'd let you know we'll be on the road all day and probably most of the night." Mikey says.

"Ok." he pulls the curtain back across and leaves. I continue my reading. The bus hits a bump and I fall out of my bunk. I close my eyes and wait for the impact of the floor. But instead of landing on the floor I land on something softer. What I landed on Ray. I scramble to my feet. Ray gets to his feet too.

"Sorry." I whisper.

"It's fine. It wasn't really your fault." I nod and get back in my bunk. Instead of reading I have a debate in my head about whether or not I should tell Mikey about my past. I feel like I should, but at the same time I haven't known him very long. My internal debate goes on for close to an hour until eventually I give up and decide to write some more poems. My little notebook is almost full. I don't know what I'll will do when it gets full. The bus comes to halt and due to the sudden movement my head hits the wall. I hiss and rub the back of my head. I slide out of my bunk. Ray is tying his shoes, Mikey is stretching and Frank is being Frank. I can't think of any other term to describe what Frank was doing.

"What's going on?" I ask Mikey.

"We are stopping for a half an hour so we can stretch our legs and fill the gas tank." He tells me. I nod. I find my shoes and put them on. I follow Mikey and Ray off the bus. We are in a Wal-mart parking lot. I follow them inside. We walk around. We look at different things. We spend the longest time looking at the music. I take a deep breath and work up the courage to ask Mikey a question. I release the breath and poke his arm.

"Yeah."

"I was wondering if you could maybe buy another notebook, since mine is almost full." I say it so quietly that I'm nearly positive he doesn't  hear. But he does.

"Sure." He grabs my hand and pulls to the aisle with the notebooks.

"Pick a notebook." I grab a small navy blue notebook that looks exactly like the one I have.

"You sure?" he asks. I nod.

"Alright." We go and find the others. Since our time is almost up we check out and walk back to the bus. Once we're all set we start driving again I take my notebook and get back in my bunk so I can continue writing.

Mikey's POV

I watch as she disappears back into her bunk. I sigh.

"What's wrong?" Ray asks.

"I'm just worried about her. She hardly talks or eats and I wish she'd open up, but I guess she hasn't known me very long so I suppose she just needs time."

"I'm not sure what to tell you, because lets face it I know nothing about this stuff." He shrugs and goes back to his game. I sigh and go back to the couch. I notice the book is lying on the floor. I grab it and decide to read for a bit. I can't seem to focus. I throw the book down in annoyance. 

"What's your problem?" Gee asks, sitting down next to me.

"I'm just-I can't-I don't know." I huff and rub my eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Like I just said. I don't know." I snap.

"Thank you. Now I know exactly what's wrong." Gee says sarcastically.

"I can't focus and I just-I'm worried about Shallan."

"Why?"

"Because I don't think she's eating and she barely talks. And I don't know if I should talk to her bout it or just leave her be or what."

"Give her some time and if she still isn't eating or talking then sit down with her and talk."

"How much time?"

"Maybe through the end of next week?"

"That's the best advice I've gotten. Thanks Gee."

"Anytime." Then he gets up and walks to the front lounge. There's a small thud and I notice Shallan's notebook is lying on the floor. The book is lying face up. I pick it up. The first poem is titled No-one really cares.

I lend everyone my ears

And nobody my heart

And I sure would like to change that

But I don't know where to start

I smile more to myself

Than the world will ever see

Because the only time my smile is real

Is in my own company

People don't know how I feel

They never even ask

It seems that I have fooled them all

They can't see past my mask

If they were with me late at night

When the world was still asleep

Maybe then I'd let them sort

Through the secrets that I keep

But when I wake at 2 am

Nobody is ever there

And I learnt that why I hide my heart

Is because no-one really cares

-S. C. W

There are tear stains on this page and some of the ink is smudged, but I can still read it just fine, except for the line under her initials. That one is too smudged to read. Poor Shallan. No wonder she doesn't talk or eat. She feels alone. I want to change that. I want to let her know that someone cares. I want her to know that I care. I push the curtain on her bunk back and find that she's asleep. There are tear stains on her cheeks and she's clutching a picture of her and a boy who likes a lot like her. I'm gonna say it's her brother. I lay the notebook beside her and close the curtain again. I'm going fix this. I'm going to fix her.