Feel Alive(Adopted By Mikey Way)

13~Shallan & Mikey

It's dark. And my arm is cold. Why can't I see anything? Are my eyes closed? Why can't I open them? I struggle to open them. I finally peel one open and then immediately close it do to the bright lights. I open both eyes and blink repeatedly. I'm in the hospital. I move my left arm and it stings a lot. I can't move my right arm at all. I can't feel it either, but that's because it's asleep and Mikey's head is laying on it. Despite the pain in my left arm I poke Mikey's face. He lifts his head and looks around. His glasses are just barely on his nose.

"Mikey." I whisper. He leans and gives me a hug.

"Please don't ever do that again." he says in my ear.

"I'm sorry." I say as I pull away. I push his glasses back up for him. Both my arms, I notice, are wrapped in bandages from my wrist to my elbow.

"It's okay." Suddenly the door opens and Frank comes in followed by Gerard, Ray, Bob, Pete, Patrick, Joe and Andy.

"You're awake." Frank says with a smile. I nod. Patrick comes over and gives me a bone crushing hug.

"I was so worried about you." he whispers. I feel my cheeks heat up and look down at my lap.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"8:25 am." Frank says. I nod. Mikey yawns. The door opens again. This time a male nurse walks in.

"Good morning Miss Way. How are we feeling today?" I shrug.

"Would you like some breakfast?" I shake my head.

"You sure?" I nod.

"Alright. Well I'm just going to check your vitals and then I will be on my way." He checks my vitals and then leaves. Not long after he leaves a female doctor walks. She hands a piece of paper to Mikey. I wonder what it says.

"Good morning Miss Way, Mr. Way." she addresses me and Mikey then she looks at the other guys," Gentlemen. Are you all family?"

"No..." Frank says.

"Uh...I am." Gerard says, "I'm his brother."

"Who are you all then? If you don't mind my asking."

"Those four," Mikey points at Gerard, Frank, Bob and Ray, "Are my band. We're on tour. And those four are another band that's on tour with us."

"I see. Well it looks like you can leave this afternoon." she smiles at me brightly. She turns to look at everyone else.

"May I have a moment with Miss Way?" They all nod and walk out.

"Miss Way I understand that you self-harm?" I nod and look down.

"I'd suggest therapy, but if you aren't comfortable with that just talk to someone. Please try not to harm yourself again. I understand what you're going through, I went through the same thing, but trust me it gets better. The pain goes away. The scars fade. Let them fade." I nod. She starts unhooking me from everything. She takes the IV out and puts a Band-Aid on the back of my hand where the needle was.

"Don't talk much do you?" she asks. I shake my head.

"You remind me a lot of me when I was your age." she laughs a little bit, " Well I guess this is goodbye. Stay strong sweetie. It gets better." She smiles and leaves. The guys walk back in, Fall Out Boy aren't with them. Mikey comes back over to my side.

"Where are the others?" I ask.

"They had rehearsal." Ray says. I nod.

"I had a talk with the docter and you can go as soon as you're ready. We brought you some clothes so you can get changed." Gerard sets a plastic bag on the end of my bed. With help from Mikey I get off the bed. I grab the bag and walk into the bathroom. I change into the clothes they brought me. I walk out. My sneakers are sitting by the bed. I sit down and put them on. I stand and nod to Mikey. We all walk out. We walk down a bunch of halls to the front desk. I stand beside Mikey while he fills out the discharge papers. I fiddle with the sleeves of my jacket making sure that no one can see my bandages. Mikey finishes and grabs my hand, leading me from the building. I keep my eyes on my feet. Since the car is only big enough for five of us I have to sit on Frank's lap. Gerard is driving, Ray is in the passenger seat. Bob is on the left, Mikey is in the middle and Frank and I are on the right of Mikey. I keep my gaze fixed on my feet. The car is filled with silence so thick you can feel it. It's not a comfortable silence either. It's awkward. Gerard turns on the radio and the voice of Elvis Presley fills the car. Someone sighs and someone else snorts, I think it's Frank. The radio goes off and we are again surrounded by silence. Eventually we pull to a stop beside the bus. We all get out. It's snowing. I put my hood up. Someone laughs. Someone sighs. Someone wraps their arms around me. It's Mikey. He spins me around so I'm facing him. I wrap my arms around him. And then the tears start to fall. I rest my head on Mikey's chest. He rubs my back.

"It's okay." He whispers. I shake my head.

"It's not." I whisper.

"Shallan why did you cut?"

"Because I want to feel alive. I hate this constant nothingness. I feel empty. I just want to feel something other than numb." I sigh.

Mikey's POV

"Because I want to feel alive. I hate this constant nothingness. I feel empty. I just want to feel something other than numb." she sighs. I look up. Snow covers my glasses instantly. My hair is covered in snow too as is Shallan's. Shallan looks up. Snowflakes land on her face. She smiles, but it's a small, sad kind of smile.

"This reminds me of when I was little. We would build snowmen and make snow angels. I remember one time Felix convinced mom and dad to have a snowball fight with us. We did boys against girls. Mom and I won, but only because Felix threw a snowball at my face. Mom said that because her teammate was incapacitated due to their team we should win. Then we went inside watched A White Christmas and had hot cocoa." She tells me.

"I remember one time Gerard and I were having a snowball fight and he knocked off my glasses. I lost them in snow. Mom got really pissed and Gerard had to do laundry for a month. I got a pair of temporary glasses and we found my original glasses in the spring when the snow melted." I tell her. Something hits my back. I lurch forward and push Shallan. I know exactly who did that.

"FRANK!" I yell. I turn to face Frank who's smiling innocently. "I'll get you for that." I smirk and run at him. At first he just stands there and then he turns and runs. He runs towards Gerard. I grab the back of his jacket. He turns his head to look at me.

"Hi." I say, smirking.

"H-hi?" I bend down and grab a fist full of snow. His eyes go wide. I smirk and shove the snow down his shirt. He shrieks like a girl and starts wiggling around. I laugh and walk back to Shallan. She's standing with her arms folded looking at the ground. She's smiling slightly, and pushing snow around with the toe of her sneaker.

"Watcha thinking about?" I ask. She jumps and turns around.

"Everything and nothing. Can we go inside?"

"Sure." We walk inside, closely followed by the others. I take off my jacket and wipe my glasses on my shirt. Shallan takes off her coat and shoes and sits down on the couch. I take off my shoes and sit down too. Shallan lays down and rests her head in my lap. She starts telling another story about her childhood. Everyone else joins us eventually and we spend the afternoon telling stories from our pasts and just generally enjoying each others company.

+++++

Hi! First I want to say that your comments make my day. Seriously you guys are so sweet and amazing. Second Frank is slightly younger than he would actually be. In the time the story takes place he would be going on 24 but for the purposes of this story he is going on 22. It just works with what I want to happen later on. So please don't give me any grief over that. Third please comment your thoughts on this chapter and vote! Thanks! Stay awesome!

Savannah:-)