To save a life

# s i x ( part II )

The message in the bottle.

Dearest Aubree,

Hi. How are you? I'm sorry for the handwriting but you know that I was never good at it. Soooo... I'm just going to take the advice of someone and start with this message alrighty?

When you were absent in school that day and you weren't picking up my calls, I just assumed that you might've overslept because we were talking over the phone just the night before. There was some sort of unexplainable anxiety coursing through my veins but I just brushed it off, reminding myself to visit you after school but unfortunately coach Scott had us doing fifty laps around the field and I was pretty exhausted from the days work that seeing you slipped my mind. The anxiety settled itself in the pit of my stomach but it was so miniscule that I didn't even notice it on the walk home.

Mom was in the living room waiting for me which was quite odd since mom was never home this early. She looked a mess. Her face was ashen; her eyes wide, with tears cascading out of them. I was so confused because mom never cried. She told me to sit down and I did. My hands were trembling and I didn't even know why. The first shock came when she told me you were dead. Gone. Passed. We just talked the previous night. I remember thinking that it was just a stupid prank you were playing on us. But then if it were actually a prank, then why was I crying? The second shock and hardest shock was when my mother said that you commit suicide. She said that you took your own life. It was pretty outrageous to me because we were just talking about the things we would do this weekend last night, but then she explained it; how they found your lifeless body on the bathroom floor. How your lips was set in what they thought was a serene smile. How your fingers were curled around a tiny orange bottle.

I felt like I was the one that stopped breathing. All the air was rushing out of my collapsing lungs. I couldn't breathe. How could I? How could I take another breath knowing that you never will?

I felt incomplete; hollow. The only thing I could do was cry. I should have noticed. I should have read the signs. But that was the thing, there weren't any signs. You weren't heartbroken. You were always smiling and appreciating the little things in life and it made me wonder, did I ever really know you at all?

The only questions I could come up with were 'whys?'

Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you. We could have figured it out together. It was my duty to be strong for you when you couldn't do it yourself anymore. Why did you kill yourself? Why did you choose to stop living? Why did you leave me? Why?

The answers to these questions is something that I can never find out. What was I supposed to do now without you? I felt like a traitor knowing that you were 6 feet under while I was above.

I failed at being a best friend Bree. Every time I think about you being gone, I'm never sure how to feel about it. Guilty, angry, curious, depressed, empty, but most of all I felt alone. It was like every emotion known to man kind was bottled inside me.

Eventually I kind of sobered up, but not completely. Never completely. Being here without you is going to be hard but it's going to be okay because Bree, you never really left. Yes the pain is still there but I daresay that it's manageable now. Not because time heals all wounds (thats one hundred percent crap to me) but because I know that you're still alive in everything I do and everywhere I go.

I don't know where you are or if you're happy but I just want you to know that I miss you. Every single day. And if there was a chance to bring you back to me, I would do it regardless of what it would be. If I'd have to move mountains or bring the heavens down to the earth then so be it. I would do it because I know that you would do the same.

I love you Aubree. You're the best friend this world had to offer. If I'm positive about anything, then it would be that fact that I know some how, some day we'd meet again. Wait for me okay? In the meantime continue to kick ass on the other side.

Until then,

Your best friend,
Ruwena.