He Never Did

It Was You

2002
My make-up and hair are taking longer than usual- tonight is opening night and things have to be perfect. It's been almost two years since I've seen a crowd like this. Running my arms across one another, a subconscious method of banishing my nerves, I finally enter the green room ready. "Mommy!" Jacob runs toward me as I bend down to take him into my arms. He's been the best part of my life since he was born, and although raising a child is hard he lights me up almost every time I see him.
"Hey baby! What have you been doing? Oh, I missed you." I haven't seen him yet today, having rehearsals all morning while he'd been at nursery, Karen picking him up for us.
"Daddy was telling me about the show!"
"Are you're excited to see it? You can't even remember my last big show!"
He giggled in excitement and I talk to him about his day at school before placing him back onto the floor to run back to his toys, crossing the room myself to fetch some water.
"Nervous?"
I jump at the voice in my ear, splashing a little water down my front.
"Don't make me scream! I need to save my voice."
"Sorry," he mopes as I turn. I'm unable to resist pinching his cheeks to show him I'm not really angry, smirking as he hisses in pain. I tell him that I'm sorry this time, and we kiss for a moment.

It dawns on me for the umpteenth time in the past week that I really do need to speak with him out of the earshot of anyone- especially persons under the age of five, who I know from my own experience have a knack for publicising overheard and uncomfortable truths- but I miss my opportunity as the double doors a few feet away from us fly open, a familiar little boy racing into the room, a blonde woman young enough to be our daughter pushing a pram behind him in which the toddler who is the  spitting image of her clutches a stuffed rabbit. "Hey baby," she whines to him- no, not whines Stevie, you just want to find her irksome- as we all politely nod at each other and I go to check on Jacob, comforted by the sound of Mick's booming voice breaking the unspoken tension as he enters the room.