He Never Did

Two

"Will! Daddy tell him." Jacob complains as his tower of wooden blocks tumbles down, Will thrusting a toy car into it.
"Respect your brother Will. Say sorry, and don't even think of doing that again," Lindsey disciplines him immediately, shaking his head as he helps Leelee out of her pram as she babbles away. Will obliges with a guilty expression, helping Jacob build the tower again as I sip at my water while watching over them. Lindsey brings over Leelee. Her and the boys are delighted as he crouches over, his back providing a bridge for the toy cars. I'm not even attempting to hide my grin at the sight of him. He catches my eye with a questioning look and I mouth "Later," as I remember. By the time the summer sun is down tonight, we will be 300,000ft in the air en route to our next city.

The show feels better than ever, our chemistry subtle but on fire, my soul remediated from this contact with my escapist on-stage persona after a few years of potty-training and playing pirates. Karen tells me Jacob is already asleep when she meets me and Lindsey chattering as we leave the stage hand-in-hand, both of us letting go as he runs to bade farewell to Kristen and their kids in his dressing room. We have an hour or so before we need to leave the venue, and so I cover Jacob in a blanket on my dressing-room couch, and kiss his forehead before finding Lindsey tuning the only one of his guitars left out.
"Hey." I say after he's already looked up at me.
"You ok?"
"Are you?"
"I'm great."
"How were Will & Leelee?"
"They'll be fine Steph." We don't mention Kristen unless it's necessary, but I know they've recently had an arbitrary fight about me bringing Jacob on tour while Will and Leelee remained with her. We automatically pick up our discussion from earlier about the setlist, though I'm keeping most of my more polarising opinions to myself for now, not having the energy for an argument with him for once. Most of the crew have left by the time we reach a break in the discussion, and I take a deep breath.
"Linds?"
"Uh huh," he responds nonchalantly, picking a few chords.
"Have you thought about...I mean...Last month..."
"Steph, you know how I...It's not as simple as what I want."
"If you don't want...Just say Lindsey..."
"Stevie I can't just...I'm doing the best that I can you know," he rubs his temples with one hand, then takes both of my own as I bite my lip and look anywhere but into his eyes.
"Me and Kit have two children..." He emphasises emotionally.
"So do we." I finally manage to tell him, my hands shake as his mouth drops open and he stands up.
"What? That's..." He runs his hands through his hair, something I'd find sexy in another context. I may be a mother but I'm still irresponsible and impulsive when it comes to this man. It's my attraction to him that has got us in this position. It's his fault too though and he knows it. I may be the one they call the whore, but he's the married man.
"How can you question me? I think you know how babies are made at this point Lindsey!" I sob entirely involuntarily, my eyes stinging as make up runs down my face.
"You're going to kee-"
"Of course I'm going to keep her, who do you think I am?" I hiss through my painful throat, unable to comprehend ever terminating a pregnancy now.
"It's a girl?" He whispers, and I'm relieved to hear the love already infused in his tone as he speaks of our unborn daughter.
"Yes."
"Guys? We need to get going, the car is here?" We freeze in our anxious pacing as Karen seeks us out in the near darkness. I hope she can't see my mess of a face, and I wipe at it as soon as she's turned around. I thank her on behalf of both of us, and Lindsey places his arm around my waist as we walk to my now bare dressing room, releasing me as he tentatively picks up our sleeping son. We are silent the entire ride, nervous of waking Jacob, but his expression tells me all I need to know. We aim to board the plane as soon as we can, internally damning the harsh lights of the airport as our poor, tired son stirs in Lindsey's arms.  "Just rest little man, I've got you," he tells him as we rejoin with Mick, John, and Karen at the gate.

Finally we can board, both of us holding Jacob's hands as he gets last minute jitters, not enjoying the ascent at all.
Once safely in the air, Lindsey insists on tucking him into bed in one of the little bedrooms, and I escape to the bathroom for a while. Once I've washed and changed into something more comfortable, I quietly exit to find the lights dimmed, aware that everyone is winding down; creeping to Jacob's door as I can't find Lindsey in our seats. He's strewn across the double bed as he snores, Jacob curled up beside him. I experience an intense mixture of emotions, but give in and crawl under the covers next to them.