Broken

| 11 | Waste of Space

It's been a week since the carnival, but it's still all I'm thinking about. He's still all I'm thinking about. I want someone to talk to about all this. I want someone to rant to. It's driving me insane just keeping it all in, not saying a word.

I do have someone.

I just haven't talked to her about serious things going on in my life since the 7th grade, and my problems then weren't as big as they are now. I've never been in love until now. This scares the shit out of me, and I just need somebody, anybody, to help me, or at least just let me vent.

I walk into the cafeteria with my hands shaking by my sides. Normal people aren't scared to talk to their best friends. Jeez, what kind of human am I?

I sit down next to her and my knee automatically starts bouncing.

Calm down, Grace.

"Hey, what's up?" she asks me and I quickly look over at her as I try to contain my nerves. "Hey, are you ok, Grace? You look a little pale." she says, eyeing me closely. Come on. I can talk to my best friend without making it a big deal.

"I need someone to talk to." I blurt out and I watch as her expression changes. She is no longer bouncy and full of life. She looks worried. Her eyes curving slightly down in a way as she waits for the words to fall from my lips.

"Is everything ok?" she asks me in a smaller voice than before.

"No, actually. I really need to vent to someone right now, and you're my best friend and I want it to be you." I say in a rush as I intertwine my hands tightly in my lap. My eyes no longer meet hers, they stare at my hands that are locked together, small lines peeking out from under the sleeves of my jacket.

She looks at me, shocked for a moment, but her expression soon turns to this weird smile.

"It's been ages since you've wanted to talk. Say everything and anything, Grace. Fire away. I'm here to listen." she says as she nods her head and turns her whole body to face me. This is it. I can finally tell her.

I look around the cafeteria before I speak to make sure no one is listening. After I'm done searching, I lock eyes with Lindsey. She's waiting anxiously for me to go on. I almost want to laugh at her right now. The way she lights up when she's excited. She's always happy about something.

"I'm in love with Tyler." I say. I feel my hands start to shake as I squeeze them tighter together. Saying the words out loud is a lot different then saying them in your head. Somehow it makes the situation more real. It's like you didn't accept that thought fully until the words left your mouth.

"What the hell?! I knew it!! You two have liked each other for a month and a half now!! Are you dating? Wait, does he like you back? Of course he likes you back. Who am I kidding?!" she rambles on and what started off as a conversation between me and her turns into a conversation with just herself. She can't seem to grasp the reality that for the first time ever I have a crush on someone that's not a celebrity.

"Oh, sorry. I just got a little excited there." she says and returns back to her calm state.

"It's just been so weird with him. He's been helping me out, and that's great of course, but maybe I want more than that. I want him."

Her face twists into confusion as she tilts her head at me. What did I say?

"Helping you with what?"