Broken

| 20 | Pain

I'll tell you when the moment is (:
~*~
It's been a week. One painful week of faking smiles and laughing at jokes that just aren't funny when they always were when it was just me and him.

She's started coming to my locker with him lately, and it's like they're forcing me to be a third wheel. I don't want to sit around and watch the guy I'm in love with love someone else.

So, I started hiding from them. I haven't seen Tyler in a couple days. I don't know how long I'll keep this up, but it'll be as long as I have to. As long as it takes.

Now!!

I walk through the doors of my house.  I stop at the doorway, and I feel it. I feel it all at once. I've been holding back everything for a full week. I haven't cried and I haven't talked about it. I've done nothing to relieve the pain because it hasn't bothered me that bad until right now. It's all hitting me like a truck. All of it at once. I feel myself start to break down and it hurts. It hurts more than I ever thought it would.

"Grace," calls my mom as she rushes to me at the door, "honey are you ok?" she says as she cups my face in her hands. The tears start to fall. Streaming down my face in waves.

"Oh baby, come on." she says as she takes me to the couch. She holds me in her arms as the sobs grow louder and faster to the point where I can barely even feel myself breathe. It's like I've forgotten how.

"Are you ready to tell me what happened?" she asks me in a smooth voice as she rubs my back. I don't want to hold it back anymore. I just want to feel free.

"He chose someone else." The words finally coming out. Feeling a sense of relief and indescribable pain all at once. I feel like I've lost complete control over my breath.  I feel like I've lost complete control over myself most of all.

"Oh Grace..." she says in that mother tone that I haven't heard for years. I curl up to her and hug her tight. I just need some sort of a support system right now. I just need my mother.

"Baby look at me." she says, and I lift my head up, but it feels so heavy. Like a ten pound dumbbell that's only being supported by my weak shoulders.

"You are a beautiful young lady. You always have been. Do not let some boy destroy your feelings. I know it hurts. Trust me, I do, but you have to know that you are worth so much more than a boy who broke your heart."

"But why is it that I'm never good enough? Why is it that no one thinks I'm good enough for them?"

"Because sometimes boys don't see the best thing when it's standing right in front of them."

"I just don't get it. I was there for him, but he still doesn't notice that I love him."

"Boys are stupid baby girl. They always have been, and they always will be."

"I know. I just kind of wish this one wouldn't be stupid for me."

She hugs me tighter and rubs my back trying to keep me calm as the tears fall. It sucks. You never really think it'll suck this bad, but it does. It really really does.

I never even knew that pain like this existed. I always thought that people were making it seem worse than it actually is, but there is no exaggeration. This is pain. This is true pain that you only feel when all else seems to be broken. Damn it. I wish I never even met him. I wish he was just Tyler Smith, the most popular guy in school and not, Tyler, the guy that I fell hopelessly in love with.

I do wonder over and over again if it will ever get better. If my mom is telling the truth. Did she ever love someone as much as I love him. Maybe that guy for her was dad, but she married him. How could she possibly know what it's like to lose the only thing good in your life? To keep all of your feelings bottled up while you watch that person fall in love with someone else.

If that's not pain, I don't know what is.

It really sucks that right now, he's the only one I want to be holding me. He's the only one I want to be cradling me in his arms. I shouldn't feel this way. It absolutely sucks that I feel this way.

How do you learn not to love Tyler Smith? Him and all of his perfect ways. Sure he's flawed, but the more I found out about him, the more he seemed perfect to me.

I love him so damn much, but I hate myself for doing so.

~*~

I hope you liked this chapter!!! I know it's a little bit short compared to some of my other ones, but there's definitely big things coming up. I wanted you to meet Emma and I wanted you to see how our darling little Grace feels right now. It's time for the big stuff!!

👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇 do it.