Broken

| 18 | Not My Jersey

The drive home was beyond awkward. He thought it was hilarious that I was crying over a little thing, but little did he know that I was crying over not being able to have the biggest thing in my life.

He walks me up to the door and stops with a smile playing on his lips.

"Looks like I ruined your pajamas. What are you going to sleep in?" he asks me and I shrug.

"I don't know. I'll figure something out."

"I have something." he says as he rushes back to his car while I stand here still dripping wet from the pool. Some of it has dried, but definitely not all the way.

Tyler rushes back to me with one of his jerseys in hand. He extends it out to me, and I don't really know what to do.

"It's all I have." he tells me and I take it hesitantly. He smiles at me once I do.

"Tyler, I can't take your jersey tonight." I say trying to give it back, but he lifts his hands up as to say no.

"Yeah you can."

"No, this is your jersey."

"I always wanted you to be wearing my number anyway. Good night, Grace." he says as he leaves without me being able to object.

He just gave me his jersey. Lindsey and Haley are gonna have a great time with this.

~*~

I can't sleep. I can't even close my eyes without picturing his face, hearing his laugh, imagining his lips on mine, so I won't sleep. I can't bring myself to close my eyes because if I close them, I'll be torturing myself. Wow, this jersey really isn't helping. It's definitely clean because I can smell sweat, but it smells like him. It's smells just like him. The faint hint of the cologne he wears and that slight smell of mint from his breath. Constantly throwing in breath mints to drive the girls wild. I smile to myself at the thought.

Tonight I wanted to tell him. Tonight I wanted to tell him that I wasn't ok. That I wasn't ok with being his best friend, that I wanted something more than that, but I didn't. Instead, I made up some absolutely awful story about my period. I am so beyond pathetic.

Nothing ever makes sense anymore. Not since I met him. If I never would've ran out of that classroom, if he never would've seen my scars, if he never would've taken a chance with me, I would still be crying myself to sleep every night, cutting my wrists with every chance I get, and deciding whether or not if I should still be here or not. The dark thoughts that would send me into deep sleeps that I wished I could stay in forever. I was sick before him, but somehow I'm still sick now.

I love him. I love Tyler Smith, but one thing for sure is that he drives me insane. He's incredibly flirty, and that makes me smile for days. He makes me laugh, and I haven't laughed for years, not since before I met him. He pushes me to my limits, and it makes me so mad, but strangely, that makes me love him even more.

I don't know if I'm ever going to shake this guy. I don't know if I even want to. My eyes begin to feel heavy and I can't fight it anymore. I fall asleep to the smell of Tyler. Almost as if he were right here with me.

~*~

Back to school now. It's a wonderful Monday. Weekends and school days are like two completely different worlds. It doesn't even feel real to be back at this place. I don't want to be back, and it was only two days.

I make my way through the halls, passing all the people I hate until I finally see the one I love standing at my locker waiting for me.

"Morning." I say a little too cheerful and I remember to dial it back a bit.

"Morning, do you have my jersey? I need it back." he says in a rush. Ok, not what I expected.

"Yeah, I brought it. Why do you need it back so quickly. Coach on you about it?" I ask him as I pull it out of my bag and hand it to him.

"No, this is an extra. I just want it back so I can give it to Emma." I immediately feel the punch in my gut. It hurts so bad that I feel like I can't breathe at all.

"Why are you giving it to her?" I ask, with my voice breaking at the end, so I take a deep breath and ignore it.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. I'm dating her now. For real this time. No more off and on crap. She wanted me to commit to a real relationship, and how can I resist? She looks like that." he says with a big laugh, and when I say this, I have never meant it so seriously before in my life. This is the worst pain I have ever felt.

She looks like that.

She's the opposite of me.

I truly do think that's the worst thing he could've said.

"I want you to meet her. I talked to her about how me and you are just friends, and now she's ok with it. I want you guys to be friends, so we can all hang out now." he says happily. I literally can not find my breath. I feel like my entire world is crashing down. What the hell just happened? Two seconds ago I was sure this was going to be a great day. Now I just feel stupid. How could I ever have thought that I actually had a chance with him.

People like him aren't meant to be with people like me, only people like her.

"That.. That uh s-sounds great. Ok, well uh.. there's your jersey. You have it now, and I'm just gonna... h-head to the um.. bathroom, yeah, the bathroom." I stutter out as I rush away from him, leaving him completely confused.

I need to find Lindsey. I need to talk to her or Haley or anybody but him. I need to vent or I honestly do believe I'm going to burst.

I run through the halls trying desperately to reach her before first hour starts until I finally see her at her locker. I run up to her as fast as my legs will carry me, ignoring all of the warnings from hall monitors, until I finally reach her.

"Lindsey it's bad." I tell her and she looks at me terrified.

"Grace what's going on?" she asks me in a panic.

"It's Tyler. He's dating Emma. For real dating her now, and he asked for the jersey back so he can give it to her and he wants me to meet her so we can all hang out together. That is the biggest third wheel in the world. I can't do this Lindsey. Third wheeling the love of my life and his girlfriend?! Is he trying to kill me?!" I say all in one breath, and I feel myself starting to hyperventilate.

"Breath, Grace! You're gonna pass out." she tells me with a hand on my back, and I take deep breath, but my nerves are still out of whack.

"I can not believe that sorry son of a bitch would choose that hoe over my best friend. My best friend. I'm gonna kill him." she says being the little hothead she is. She slams her locker shut and starts off, but I pull her back by the arm.

"You can't Lindsey. He doesn't even know."

"Maybe it's time he did."

"No! He can't know!"

"Grace, did it ever occur to you that he likes you back and he was waiting for you to make the first move? What if he's just using Emma as a distraction from his feelings for you?"

"He wouldn't have chosen her if he really wanted me."

"I wouldn't be so sure.."

~*~

I am really excited for the next couple chapters to come!! Lots of drama is about to happen and Grace is about to blow.

*claps hands repeatedly until they turn bright red*