Do you even care? //yoonmin

1.3

Sore muscles. Sore throat. Sore heart. My favorite.

I sat up from bed and rubbed my eyes. It's been a few days of this cheerful act and I'm honestly losing my mind. My personality can't decide wether to be happy or sad. I feel sadness but I need to feel happy.

I stood up.

Practice has been hard recently, but I've managed to push through with a 'smile'. Along with this whole 'pushing myself' thing I have developed a slight sickness from overworking myself. Probably a small cold or something, or my throat might just hurt from rapping so much.

Our new song comes out in a couple of days. It's called 'Fire' and I hope the fans like it because we sure did work hard. We finished filming last week and now everything is getting put together. Thankfully, I actually had a big role in the song so I was kinda happy about that.

Yes, the emotionless Min Yoongi felt genuine happiness.

All of the members seem to be happier and less stressed now that I've been acting. But while I seem happy on the outside, the inside is a whole different story.

I still wake up every morning with a slight headache. I still look in the mirror and hate myself. I still skip meals because I'm too fat for fans to love me. I still criticize myself like crazy. I still cry and cry over the smallest things. But I've had to hold back from any forms of self harm, for now I would need to stop so the fans don't notice during promotions and neither do the members.

I walked to the kitchen, as per usual like I do every morning, and some of the guys were sitting and waiting for food.

"Good morning," I said in a low tone. I was still tired and my throat hurt like crazy.

"Aish, Yoongi you need some medicine!" Jin stood up from his chair quickly and rushed to the cabinet close by. He took out a couple of pills and got a glass of water as I sat down.

"Thanks, mom."

I let out a small chuckle and Jin playfully rolled his eyes.

"Hopefully our promotions go well, we are only having them for a week," Namjoon implied while scrolling through his phone.

"Yeah, but Tae is filming for the kdrama, so it's for the best. Besides, we do a lot for our fans, right?" Jungkook smiled. We all nodded in approval.

"We have a lot of photoshoots coming up, though. So prepare lots of smiles!" Hoseok chuckled. I wanted to roll my eyes but I resisted. I've done enough smiling within the past few weeks than I have my whole life.

"Where is Jimin and Tae?" Jin frowned looking around.

"They should be coming soon..." Jungkook spoke, "I mean Tae seemed up and ready when I got up."

"Well the food is ready, so can someone find them?" Jin put a hand on his hip. I stood up volunteering and walked towards the dorm rooms. I went to Jimins room and was about to knock but I heard whispers.

"Aish, Tae stop," a giggly Jimin could be heard.

"You know you like it Jiminnie~"

My heart sank and I stood back then turned around. I began to walk some distance from the door with a frown.

"Food is ready!" I shouted trying to make it seem like I didn't hear the whole situation going on. I wouldn't want to embarrass the two even though I'm pretty angry at both of them.

As expected from those two. Besides, I knew Tae had a crush on Jimin but I thought Jimin would actually be loyal to me... Tsk loyal? What are you thinking?! He doesn't even like you in the first place.

"Coming!" A muffled voice of Jimin was heard from the direction of his room. I slowly made my way back to the kitchen and plopped back down on my seat.

"Why so glum?" Jungkook turned his head slightly looking at me from across the table. Aish, great acting skills Yoongi!

"Uh, just my sore throat and muscles," I let out a smile. He seemed to believe it because he laughed a little and said,

"I hear you hyung!" And rolled his eyes. Jungkook has been working very hard recently so I would understand why he is so sore.

After a minute or two of waiting, the duo finally decided to join us in the kitchen. We all sat down and Jin set the food in the center of the table. We all mumbled our thank you's as we dug into the food.

I noticed Tae being all touchy with Jimin and it made me sick. I'm glad he's leaving to film for the kdrama, he has no consideration for my feelings.

  I quickly finished my food and excused myself to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror. Pitiful. Why are you jealous of Tae... Why do you still love Jimin... Idiot!

  I rolled my eyes and bent down to the toilet. Too fat. I threw up my food and coughed a little burning my sore throat. I whimpered a little. I lay on the ground and tried my hardest to hold back tears.

  Why are you doing this to yourself. You aren't happy. Stop acting... No, keep acting it's making the other's lives easier! Don't be selfish!
 
  I wiped a tear from my cheek and stood up. I flushed the toilet and washed my hands. I opened the door and tried to look down so no one would notice my reddened eyes, but my arm was grabbed and I was pulled into a room.

  "Yoongi!"