Stargazing (Laurinah)

Broken Hearted

Lauren's POV

It's weird how my whole life has changed since the day Dinah asked me to marry her 6 months ago; my heart still flutters at the sound of her name, but it also breaks a little when I think of how I got to where I am. Raindrops splatter softly against the pavement surrounding my head and the rest of my body as I lie against the dirty asphalt outside of my apartment building. The silky material of my white wedding dress was now covered in dirt and grass stains, the matching 6-inch heels lying at my feet and a half-empty bottle of tequila in my hand.

I love her. God do I love her, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't commit... at least not yet. I needed to experience the things that I haven't would never have the chance to if I were tied down, like random drunken sex, or being free from the confinements of a relationship. I don't know, I don't have a real excuse as to why I couldn't say "I do," but I couldn't. No matter how much I wanted to, the words refused to pass my lips. And seeing the broken look to that she gave me, the look of vulnerability and anguish, I knew I was making the wrong decision.

But that didn't stop me from, handing her my engagement ring and running off. And that for damn sure didn't stop the tears from flowing freely from her beautiful brown eyes. I knew what heartbreak was, but I hadn't ever felt it to this extent. I never knew that breaking someone's heart, could... would also break mine.

I lifted the nearly empty bottle of tequila to my lips, the amber liquid sloshing back and forth with each movement I made. My eyes burned and my heart ached, but I didn't care, all I needed was to keep drinking to keep my mind off of things. I took a sip out of the bottle, the liquid inside burning as it runs down my throat, but I continue to drink until my mind is hazy and my vision is foggy.

...

I don't know how long I was lying there for, but I do know, that once my vision cleared up, it was no longer night time. The sun washed up over the pale blue sky, shining as bright as a diamond. I sat up looking around, no one was outside, which was a bit strange because it was a Saturday morning. I sighed running a hand through my hair before standing to my feet.

As soon as I took a step, my phone rang. I didn't want to answer it because I knew who it was by the ringtone, it was Dinah

'And I've always lived like this

Keeping a comfortable distance.

And up until now I have sworn to myself

That I'm content with loneliness.

Because none of it was ever worth the risk.

Well you are the only exception-'

My eyes began to water as I brought the phone up to my ear. I listen for a while, but nothing was said. It was like I was in a Scream movie, I could hear her breathing, but she still said nothing.

"H-hello?" My voice cracked as I spoke that one word.

"L-Lauren," her voice comes out in a slur, but before I can reply, she's speaking again, "I thought you loved me. I thought I was the only exception."

"D-" I start, but I'm immediately cut off, "that's not the entire reason I called you." She slurs once again.

"Then what is the reason, Dinah?" I ask, my eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"I really wanted to call you, so I could be petty." She sighs, "I wanted to tell you that you weren't shit and how you'd miss me. But now I think calling you was a stupid decision."

"Why do you think that?"

"Really Lauren? You fucking broke me, I love you so fucking much it hurts!" She yells into the phone, before taking a deep breath in, "I've been looking at your- I mean the engagement ring, thinking about how much it should be on your finger instead of in my hand. How great it would've been if we were to walk down the aisle after saying our "I do's" and my heart aches when I remember that you left me standing there. I know I looked like the biggest idiot in the world when I broke down."

"Last night, I looked up at the stars and I finally understood what you were talking about when you said, "It's weird how I start contemplating my whole life as I stare at the stars. How everything seems like it's magnified by a thousand, it makes even the littlest of things seem big." She pauses, "Last night I did just that. The night sky pulled me into the comforting arms of the darkened abyss. It was like all my fears melted away, I felt like I was invincible, but then I looked into the palm of my hand where I held my own little star; your engagement ring. And all my confidence melted straight away."

I couldn't say anything. I had never heard Dinah speak, with such conviction. It made my heart beat faster than it ever had before, and I was surprised I didn't pass out.

"I just wanted to tell you, that even with all the pain I'm feeling right now, I can't help but to love you," her voice cracks at the end and once again before I can say anything, I'm cut off. This time, however, it's by the dial tone. I sigh hanging the phone up and putting it in my back pocket.

I really fucked up this time and I'm not sure if we could get back to the way we were. Why do I always have to ruin any good thing that happens in my life?