I just have to get out.

Part 1

Just have to get out. Must get out .I must get out.

It was like walking through a nightmare, but this one was scarily realistic. I didn’t know what I was thinking. Coming from all sides of me, I could hear heavy breathing. Either that was me, or someone or something was following me. I was rushing around, like a lunatic on drugs, trying to find my way out, pushing at my thoughts in my brain to stop me from freaking out big time. I had to get out. Where was the damned exit when you need it?!

I was pushing at non-moving walls, pushing at doors that most likely said ‘Pull’. “Please just let me go. I won’t harm anyone. I didn’t mean to do it. I swear. I promise. I’m not crazy, I’m not mental. I’m just a teenage girl, which most probably needs some small help. But please! Take these surroundings away from me. Take the cloth from over my eyes to let me see. Anything. I’ll do anything.”

Shivering, I violently woke up, screaming till I realized that I was in a safe environment. If you called a white room safe. Then I remembered. It was just one of them realistic enough nightmares that I keep having. The same one. Creepy. They were watching me, most likely observing my reactions to my nightmare. How did they know? What did they know about me that I didn’t? Standing there, peering through the plastic window, observing with their thin piece of wood that made up a clipboard, scribbling notes down on me watching them watching me.

I stood, almost forgetting how to use my basic knowledge of standing up and using my legs to move. I wobbled, throwing my hands out to balance me. I looked at them, as if they were rare pieces of jewels that I had suddenly accumulated on the end of my arms. Stop! I must remember, I must remember that I am here for something. I must remember that I am still a human being. I am still alive and in a safe environment. They all observed these issues that I encountered, as if I was a human experiment that they had put together at the last minute. Slowly, but surely, I moved my legs towards the door.

There they still stood, scribbling away like normal. But something was different and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Someone had changed something. Maybe someone had come to set me ‘free’ so to speak. Oh wait; I saw what was different as I reached the small plastic window.  He was standing there, like an angel from heaven. Heavenly wasn’t something I deserved at the moment.

“Luca…” The plastic window steamed up as I breathed on it, causing me to wipe it away and make it look blurry. But I couldn’t care less now. I’d seen him, the one I always look out for but this time, it was him coming to me. To me. Talk about role-reversal. I placed a few fingertips on the window, trying to reach through to touch him, to make sure he was real and not a hologram they had managed to create, to trick me.

The one thing I loved about Luca was his personality. He couldn’t stop smiling, mainly happy and just so comfortable to be around. He was all mine. Yeah, I remember the time, now, that he had asked me, ever so quietly, if I would like to go out with him. I obviously accepted and that leads us here. But then, something happened. Someone got hurt. Very badly. I hurt someone. They put me in here.

Luca can’t be here for me. He just can’t be. I mean, he’s looking directly at me and smiling his famous smile that everyone knew about. But he just couldn’t be here for me. I’ve been in here a while now and I haven’t seen him once, until today. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know why he was here. Did they call him? Did they think that he was my next of kin when my mum would’ve been the more obvious one to phone? Oh wait, they knew he was the one who brought me in, suggesting I need help. He took care of me, cradling me until they told him that they would take over. I remember now. I never wanted to let go of that familiar person, familiar smells. I didn’t want to let go. I had clung to him, whimpering slightly. Anything to get him to stay longer. It didn’t work. They managed to peel me of him and let him free. I had watched him, turn his back and walk out of the building. It seemed like he wouldn’t come back.

That was then, this is now.