Paragon

Chapter 4

The minute I get the words out, I feel a large weight lifted from my shoulders. Inhaling deeply, I look up at him. His eyes are wide, really wide. He doesn't smile, he doesn't frown- his face remains expressionless.

"Stellan?"

He looks down at me and gapes slightly. "We've been together again for a little over a month... are you sure-"

"That it's legit? Ye-"

"T-that it's mine, Iris."

I close my mouth, hurt by the cool undertone in his voice. "Of course it is."

"You were with Royce? How do you know?"

"Because I hadn't slept with him in three weeks when I first saw you in Paris. I'm a month in, Stellan. A month pregnant."

"And how long have you known this?"

"A week. A week- that's it. I found out a couple of days before you arrived. I-I didn't know how to tell you. We're in such a bad spot right now."

"... Yes, we are."

"I don't know how it happened- the condom... it must have brok-" My speech subsides as he pulls away from me and my hands drop limply to my sides.

He sits down into the chair, bracing his hands against his knees. Slumped over, I watch his body inhale and then exhale deeply, his head towards the white cement. Bending down onto my knees, I rest my hands over his.

"Stellan..."

"I know. Just give me a minute."

"I know we- that we are young and that with everything going on right now, that having a child is inopportune."

"Inopportune? We just covered the bases of birthdays, for heaven's sake. Iris, despite how much we care for each other, we barely know one another."

"Stellan, that doesn't change the fact that I'm pregnant- a fact that is not going to go away."

He nods, pressing his lips together. "I know... I'm sorry. I- just let me process this- on my own for a bit. My mind isn't clear."

Nodding reluctantly, I straighten, removing my hands as he stands up, immediately turning for the open sliding door of the house. Resting my hands onto my hips, I watch him go and feel a blockage in my throat, stopping oxygen.

Glancing around frantically at my hat on the floor and the partially eaten food, I force my legs forward, on route for the sand. It takes every piece of me to not run back into the house after him- to make sure he's not calling for a plane to leave.

I can't lose him. I can't. He's my rock- he's what keeps me upright now.

My feet don't stop until the sand moistens and I'm mere feet from the water. Shaking my head in regret, I groan. God, I should have told him when it happened. He probably feels so trapped on this island with me.

I force the frightened tears that threaten back. I can't cry about this... I can't believe he'll leave me- leave us...

I don't even hear him come up.

My eyes close with relief as Stellan's arm comes around my shoulders, pulling me into his torso gently. Reaching up, I grasp his warm skin and finally feel my lower lip begin to tremble as he presses soft, apologetic kisses near my eyebrow.

"I'm sorry," he whispers against my skin, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry," I utter, turning in his arms. Resting his hands on my arms, he stares at me- I can still see the fear in his eyes. It hasn't left. "I-I should have told you about this when it happened."

"... I know why you didn't."

He lifts his hand and caresses my cheek gently with his fingers. I lean into his embrace, smiling in disbelief.

He stayed.

...

The sand crackles against the wind as the sun begins to descend over the horizon before us. We've been particularly quiet all day- pensive, I think. Unsure as to how to approach the subject.

Still, as we sit side by side on a small blanket draped across the sand, I don't feel like he's desperate to leave. He's quiet but I think it's mostly because he's in deep thought. My index finger moves in large circles above the sand, making messy flowers and suns, the only thing I can think of to do in this situation.

"We're going to have to be extremely careful about this," he murmurs finally, squinting slightly towards the water. I nod, clearing my dry throat.

"Yeah, I know. Vance..."

"Cannot find out." He finally looks over at me, expression one of complete seriousness. "Iris, we can't tell anyone else about this until the trial begins in three months. If Vance found out-"

"You think he'd try to hurt me?"

His lips press together disapprovingly and he looks down at the blanket. "We just need to be careful."

"I looked it up, I may start showing within the next two months... How are we going to keep it hidden?"

"I- don't know," he answers quietly, sighing.

"... Do you feel trapped?" My bluntness takes him aback and he looks over at me.

"Trapped?"

"Here. With me. In this situation... I don't want you to feel like you're being forced to-to raise this child with me. I don't know what you wanted... if you even wanted kids."

His brows curve toward the ground. "Did I give you the ring on your finger?"

His gaze is searing but I force myself to hold it. "Yes."

He points to my hand. "That isn't something I gave lightly. This marriage isn't something I would take lightly. I gave it to you because I meant it when I told you I'd follow you for the rest of my life. I meant it when I told you I loved you and I mean it when I say that I will love this baby because it is apart of us... Just because I'm worried about how to do this doesn't mean I'm looking for a way out. There is no way out of this, Iris."

He rests his hand on my hair, smiling softly. "There is no place for me anymore without you."

The lump lodged in my throat widens considerably. A tearful smiles breaks across my face and I bite my lip to try and contain my relief. Immediately, I move closer to him and reach up, cupping the back of his neck. "Thank you."

He leans in and presses his mouth to mine briefly. "We'll get through this."