Paragon

Chapter 9

The tears have finally ceased an hour later. My body is yearning for alcohol- something to ease the pain but my circumstances forbid it. I stare at the marble counter top, not even seeing it.

The clock reads midnight but it really feels as if it were five in the morning.

The video is still ever present in my brain- the look on his face when he opened the door, already sure as to what I was witnessing. The look of absolute horror- of disbelief- of remembrance.

God, why didn't he tell me?

I close my eyes, thinking of all the times I've been rough with him in bed, nibbled on his neck, bitten him in passion- even if gently. I think of what he felt in that moment- if apart of him thought of her. I don't know how he's trusting of anyone.

"God dammit," I utter through my teeth, clasping my face. We were supposed to get married in two days... Is that still on? Does he still want to?

I feel a deep, burning rage in my chest. I truly believe if she were in front of me, Constantine, I'd kill her. This woman has gotten away with what she did, the video with the other man were nothing compared to this one. The sickest part is she truly looked as if she was in love with him. If that was her way of showing it.

He should have told me. He should have-

Gathering up the courage, unable to stay away from him any longer, I straighten and turn, headed for the bedroom, on a mission. I open the door slowly, peeking into the darkness. He's under the covers, sitting up against the headboard, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Stellan?"

He doesn't answer, doesn't look over my way. Swallowing, I shut the door behind me, feeling as if there were no oxygen in this bedroom. I come around the bed, nervously, hating that he won't even acknowledge my presence.

"Stellan, please, look at me."

He blinks slowly and his eyes flicker to mine, his lips pressed tightly together. The image alone is enough to break my heart even further- I kick off my heels beside the bed and climb over the sheets, towards him. He doesn't move to hold me as I curl up against him, wrapping an arm around his waist. I lean my face against his bicep, closing my eyes, hoping to provide him comfort.

I can hear the waves through the glass of the doors in front of us. The moonlight is gleaming off of the rocking water, commanding both earth and sky. I want to tell him I'm sorry. I want to tell him that this changes nothing. I want to tell him so much but can't.

"Can you bear it?" he asks softly, staring out towards the water. I run my fingers softly over the area I saw her burn in the video, closing my eyes.

"Yes."

"How? How can you be attracted to me after seeing that?"

"She hurt you, Stellan."

"I got myself into that situation. I knew she was spiraling... I shouldn't have let her handcuff me."

"You were doing your job. You had a contract... you trusted she wouldn't."

He shakes his head, shutting his eyes. "I couldn't do anything... It lasted goddamn hours."

I bite my lip, heartbroken at the utter loathing I hear in his voice.

"I had burns for days- when she took off the blindfold, I was bleeding from her bites. I-I-"

"You should have killed her."

"I was horrified. I was in pain- I just wanted to leave, get away from her. She kept repeating, you know, over and over again how happy I should have been that she made me- that she made me come. I just stared at her, unsure as to how anyone could think like her."