Paragon

Chapter 14

I lift my face from my hands slowly, afraid any sudden movement from my part will make me pass out. Almost immediately after seeing Charles empty office space, I felt sick and had to sit down on the ground.

That's where I still am, backed up against the door, forty minutes later.

I have no urge to get up. Because that would mean I'm only closer to having to explain that I've fucked up Stellan's entire life. I've destroyed him- he'll never be able to forgive me... I'll never be able to forgive myself.

I've reached the lowest point in my life at this very moment and I want to hide in here forever. I want to curl up and cry. I want to shut everyone out. I want to shut down my entire company... There's no one to trust anymore.

My life has become a cobweb of lies and deceit.

Stellan knew that Charles was a close employee of mine and he trusted me. He trusted that I had a hold on my employees... I realize now I don't. Contracts and treats mean nothing.

I realize this isn't going to stop.

All I can see is Stellan's frightened, tearful face in that office in that godforsaken mansion on that godforsaken island. How he told me he'd never recover if this got out. He told me that himself- and now, one of my most trusted employees has betrayed me. Who even knows if Eric is loyal to me? Or Olivia? Viktor?

I've been nothing but toxic to this man. He had the opportunity to live in Paris, unafraid and successful. He had the chance to live a happy life. I begged him to stay with me and he came. He gave up everything to come back here. He's risking everything to be with me and I've failed him.

He's always the one saying that he's not worth the trouble. I'm beginning to think it's the other way around.

Using my knee has a support, I pull myself off the ground, wiping the tear tracks and stare at the empty office space.

I don't even know what to do right now. I can't call the police- the news about the video will get out then or possibly tempt Charles to put it out online or sell it to someone. I can't call Marcus- I can't let him know we were the ones who hacked into the database- that I knew about it because I could go to jail.

I'm stuck in a corner where the only way to get the video back would be to find Charles myself.

I close my eyes tiredly and turn before I begin crying again.

I take my time getting back to my floor, staring at the ground in a tearful daze. The silver doors open and thankfully, everyone is gone now. The main room is empty, all my designs, mannequin's set up in perfect messes.

I lived for this. For the lights and glamour. I don't want it anymore. I don't want this daily struggle. I've had more of it in these past two months than I have in twenty-six years.

My office is occupied. I slow, seeing Stellan on the phone. He looks up and sighs with what looks like relief. I glance down at the ground, hoping to make the tears go away... they don't. I force myself to walk forward, feeling sick to my stomach, preparing for the man I love to tell me he's leaving or that he hates me. I don't know- maybe he'll say both.

"Jesus Christ, I've been calling you-" He stares at me in shock as I keep a hand on the door knob. I shake my head, pressing my lips together- they're shaking uncontrollably. He's around the desk, grabbing me in seconds. "What's happened? Are you hurt?"

"Charles is gone."

He wipes my tears softly and I pull away from him as if he were burning me. "Gone? What do you mean?"

"Gone! He's left- without a fucking trace! I don't know where he went!"

He shakes his head, confused. "Why? Why the hell would he do that?"

"Marcus called me."

"And you spoke to him?"

"I had no choice! He said he needed to talk to me privately about something important! Something... he realized was missing."

The fall of his features all in one moment is enough to make me start sobbing. "The video..."

"I didn't know. I trusted Charles! He's been with me for years!"

He turns in a flash, raising his hand to his mouth.

"I'm... so sorry! I'm so sorry- I never thought-"

"You- do you realize what-"

"I'm sorry!"

"SORRY? You're sorry?!" he bellows angrily, slamming his hand down on the desk. I look away towards the wall, desperately trying to keep myself together. I'm failing miserably.

"Yes, I'm sorry," I utter through my teeth. "I'm sorry I have no one I can trust! I'm sorry I brought you into this! I'm sorry I took you from your job in Paris! I'm fucking sorry I met you! I've done nothing but fuck your life up even further and I'm sorry!"

His chest is heaving up and down but he remains silent, probably saying the same thing in his head. That he wishes he never met me.

I turn, crossing my arms protectively over my cold body. "We're trying to make something work that can't, Stellan."

He's still silent and I feel the tears come faster. Go against me. Say something! Say you can't live without me... That you forgive me!

"I'll-I will still try to hunt down Charles, I'll still pay for the lawyer. I'll give you money to support yourself if you want to get out of town. I'll- do anything to help you. I've already screwed up your life, making you come here... I can't take that back and I'll never forgive myself for it. For any of this. I'm sorry- I'm so sorry, Stellan."

He breathes in deeply, closing his eyes. "I chose to come here."

"You never would have if I hadn't told you I loved you."

"I wouldn't take away that moment for any fucking thing, Iris!" he shouts loudly. I avoid his gaze at all costs, even as he grabs my face between his hands.

"Let go of me, Stellan."

"I won't!"

"NOW!" I shout back, pushing him away to no avail. His grip is strong. "I can't keep doing this to you! To myself! This never ending deception! I'm-I'm fucking falling apart!"

"We have each other, Iris! You can't just push me away!"

"You should want to leave! Just go! Please!"

"NO!"

I grasp his arms, pulling back. "Stellan..."

"You are having my child, Iris. You are my fiancée. I will fight for what's mine!"

"I can't do this anymore. I can't," I utter, shaking my head. "I'm exhausted. I just want to be alone."

"No." I stare at him, gaping slightly as he clutches my hair tightly, resting his forehead against mine. "No. No! You're not getting rid of me. I don't care if I should go- I won't!"

I stare into his eyes and utter, "Let me go."

"I will never do that, Iris. Don't ask me to!"

I push him with desperation and he stumbles back into the desk in shock. I don't wait- gasping for breath, I reach for the door, running out into the dark hallway.