Paragon

Chapter 11

"You just forgave him? Just like that?!"

"I didn't offer him his job back if that's what you're worried about. And I didn't tell him about the baby."

"He's been gone for weeks, Iris! You have no idea what's happened to him throughout the course of them but he's thinner, he's sicker- he's weaker. There's something wrong with him."

I look up from my tea and shake my head. "I can't abandon him, Stellan. You have to know that! He has no one but me."

He presses his hands against the countertop with feeling. "He has others that he's pushed away, Iris. That's bullshit! You can't trust him. This is our future- everything. If you confide in him and he turns, telling someone he shouldn't, it could ruin everything."

"I KNOW THAT, Stellan! I know I have to be careful, you've told me many times! I'm not dumb- I'm not chatty- I do have a fucking brain! I'm just as worried as you are, believe me!"

His eyes slant in frustration as I stand up. "You know I didn't mean to acc-"

"You didn't mean to but you did, Stellan! I'm sick of this fucking deceit surrounding us! I'm so sick of it!"

I push the chair in angrily and turn for the stairs, fuming.

...

I lift my hands away from my face as the balcony door to our bedroom opens and look up. I've been decompressing for hours, just waiting for Stellan to come up and ask me what the hell happened downstairs. I wouldn't be able to answer him because I truly don't know.

I don't know what's happening to me. Stellan holds open the door, waiting for me.

"It's late, Iris. You haven't had dinner."

"I'm not hungry," I mutter begrudgingly, although I am.

"You need to eat."

I glare at him, pressing my lips together. "Stellan."

His voice softens. "The baby. Please, do it- for me."

I consider telling him no but know I'd only be doing more harm than good. I stand up, nodding and move past him into the dark bedroom. He follows me down into the kitchen and I know I'm in for a serious talk here.

When I see dinner already made on the table, I can't help the small smile that curves my lips upwards.

"You... made dinner?"

"It's a peace offering."

I stop at the table and look up at him, pressing my lips together apologetically. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I've never felt this way before."

He grasps the top of the chair and nods. "... What are you feeling?"

"I'm scared. Really scared."

"What are you scared of?"

"I-I'm scared of my life turning inside itself. I'm scared of everything falling to pieces. I'm scared because I can't trust anyone but you. I'm scared because I have a baby growing in my stomach and I don't know what kind of life I'm going to be bringing it into. I'm scared because the only piece of evidence we've found that could incriminate them- we destroyed."

His eyes shut in regret and I immediately feel like shit. "You told me you understood-"

"I do understand- completely and I know why it needed to be deleted and that it was your choice, not mine. But I still know that video- that it could have-"

He finishes my sentence. "Ended the trial."

I stare at him, shaking my head. "But, I don't regret destroying it. I don't... I know what that would have done to you- to us. To our relationship."

"I told you I was sorry. I had no idea she had made it. I- wish I could be the kind of man to expose that video, with no care of the backlash but- I-I couldn't. Iris, I couldn't. You have to understand that. I couldn't have that get out and one day, my child be able to- see her father belittled to who I was in that video."

"And I've thought of that. Of course I have. I would never want you to have to relive that day, ever. I'm just telling you my fears. I'm trying to be open with you."

He stares at the ground, nodding. "I know."

"I don't want you to work doing whatever you can. I don't want you to have to waste that beautiful brain you have. The thought of you working under the table- or in some shady business..."

"Yeah but I need to do something, Iris."

I nod, inhaling. "I know... which is why I want you to come work for me."

He laughs loudly, running a hand through his hair and sits down. "Oh, I don't think so. We've tried that before."

"As a model, though."

"And what would I do now, Iris? Design?"

"No, you'd run the finances of my company."

His smile immediately fades into something much more serious.

"All of them. You'd have your own office, complete control under me. The job would be more of a VP kind of deal."

"Are you trying to... tell me you want to make me vice president of your franchise?"

I nod, swallowing nervously. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

His mouth opens partially in shock. "Iris..."

"You'd have your own jobs to complete- I wouldn't hover. Well, I'd train you but after that, you'll be on a completely separate floor than I, one floor down to be exact because we haven't done renovations yet... I- don't want you to think of it as a handout. I know how you feel about that. But take it. Take it as a wedding present from me- that way you can't say no."

"Iris, what you're asking- it's too much. Other people are more deserving, people who have worked harder-"

I come around the table and bend down in front of him. "There is no one more deserving than you... I trust you. I know you will do well- beside me in this." He stares at me as I grab his hand. "Please, I need you to do this. I really need someone I can trust. I'm scared everything's on the verge of falling to pieces."

"My reputation in New York is shot, Iris. You'd be doing more harm than good hiring me."

"Then, we shall just have to build your reputation back up ourselves, Stellan."

He shakes his head, smiling softly. "Iris..."

When his hand rests on my hair softly, I know he's agreed without even saying so and a large smile lights up my face as I feel one of my many fears fade into oblivion.