Dear Friend

10.4.13

Dear Friend,

Long time huh. yea. oh well. soo. Hows it been? Not that great for me. Im freaking annoyed as hell. I dont even know. Sometimes I just want to sleep forever. I try so hard to be happy. I just spend my day looking up motivational quotes. Do you know how annoying they get after? I think my favorite is "When I'm sad i stop being sad and be awesome instead". Thats from How I Met Your Mother. Most of the quotes on google is bs. It doesnt even apply to me... I read better stuff on bathroom stalls. I am not even kidding. I was in a stall today and saw this quote: Inhale the goodshit, exhale the bullshit. I really like it haha. Bathroom stalls are freaking funny. Speaking of funny while i was in the stall i realized that i was short because my feet started dangling while i was sitting on the toilet... Awkward much?

Okay so you know what i absolutely hate? When people say they freaking love you and then the next day just decide to ignore you. They call you their friend but then they decide that they have better things to do than talk to you. yea i get that you have better things to do but at least tell me instead of turning on the read receipts and ignoring me you idiot. I'm so mad rn but i cant do anything about it. I'm seriously typing the crap out of my keyboard and i feel bad for my laptop.

 I sometimes want to cry or laugh hysterically or maybe even punch a wall because of the way you make me feel. It sucks because I know nothing will ever happen between us. Im glad we're friends but i guess thats how you talk to everyone so im not special. Sometimes i tell myself i deserve better but nope. my stupid head wont listen. i cant even blame my heart anymore. Its so freaking bipolar that it doesnt even know what it wants. When we text its so nice because we can talk about anything and not be awkward about it but when its in person its just so weird because i feel like... no i know i dont belong there. im the odd man out. always has and always will be. i dont even know why i try. Maybe theres a small voice in the back of my head saying that it might happen. My logical side knows it wont. Thats what makes me sad. We always say we're gonna be there for each other forever but i know its not true... actually i think im the only one who says im gonna be there for you forever. wow. good job me. This week started out so great but it just got worse and worse. i want to cry until i run out of tears but how is that going to help my cause? its not. We joke around saying that we're going to run away together now i doubt you'll notice if im gone. you can say im overreacting but idk. i had to let this out.

Thanks for listening again

-Me