Dear Diary: Stay Away

Entry 1: 06/09/16

Dear Diary,

I have the text message from her stuck in my head. It said:

"I thought you had changed. This was the exact same thing that lead to the end of our relationship.

Secrets!

I don't know why I invested so much time of my fucking life. I should've fucking deleted your fucking number a long time ago.

But no, I have to be such a fucking nice person who loves to give fucking second chances.

You had more than a second chance, I had hoped that you would've changed.

I guess that's never going to happen, huh.

You know what? Do whatever the hell you want. I don't give a shit about you anymore. I got over you a long fucking time ago, and I know that in a few years I won't even remember who the hell you are.

Bye. Have a fun fucking life without me."

When I first got the text, I read that message a good 31 times. It broke my heart each time and there was so much I wanted to say. However, I couldn't muster up a good enough reply.

What is a person supposed to say to that?

She made it clear she was done with me. I just wish she had trusted me when I said it wasn't a secret she wanted to know, but I can't blame her for not believing me. If I were in her position I would have doubted me, too...

What was that big secret and why did I hide it when I knew that would lead to me losing her? I'll explain it to you.

My girlfriend broke up with me a few days ago. I've been heart broken over it, but I understand why we had to split up and I honestly do wish her the best.

The problem is three hours after that, this guy-who I thought was my friend-started hitting on me and tried to ask me out. I said no, buy since then he's been bugging my with a chance for a relationship.

I'm all he has and his life depends on me staying connected to him. I don't want to talk to him anymore, but I'm more scared of what the results would be of my disappearance.

I can't just ditch him.

1. He has my phone number and he can message me through all my social media networks.

2. He's told me I'm the only reason he has to live. If I managed to ignore him and he got hurt or even killed over that, I wouldn't be able to live with that on my conscious.

So, that means I'm stuck with an obsessive stalker hitting on me.

Why I can't tell her that?

Last time I told her about a guy hitting in me she got upset and said she was jelous. She was hurt by that, so I told her I wouldn't tell her about that kind of stuff anymore.

This whole situation falls in the category of "that kind of stuff". It's more extreme, but I don't want her to be hurt by me telling her the truth... I'd rather her hate me and I be the one to get hurt then her getting hurt...

She wouldn't trust me when I said she wouldn't want to know the secret and she got mad at me. That's when she sent that message and when she finally decided to be over me...

I'll admit it hurts...

But, I guess it's better that I'm the one in pain instead of her.

As I said, I can't blame her for being upset. From her point of view, all this situation is me lying to her. She has trust issues and me "lying" and hiding stuff isn't helping...

What's been done is done.

She doesn't know what was wrong with me.

She hates me and wants nothing to do with me.

I'm back to only having one person to rely on, and I still have to deal with a stalker.

That's how it ended and there's nothing I can do to fix it. All I can do is do as she wants and stay away...

I just hope her hating me doesn't break me more, but I've never been that lucky...

That's it for today Diary.

Sincerely,

Me