Dear Diary: Stay Away

Entry 5: 06/17/16

Dear Diary,

It's been a while since I've written. Here's a summary of what's happened these past few days.

06/13/16: Got hit on by guys on Kik and got like 7 boy-part picks. Disturbing on so many levels that it wasn't even funny.

I went to the park and hung out with my redhead friend and her siblings. We had a lot of fun and it was nice to finally relax a little.

My "brother" apperantly never got the point and kept texting me throughout the day and flirting with me. I wish he could just leave me alone...

06/14/16: It was a pretty boring day. I stayed home most of the day and went to the park for lunch. My sister was being a brat though, so I don't think I'll take her to the park tomorrow.

All the day's excitement happened towards the end. We were at my Sister's game, and it was towards the end. I was helping coach again, so I had front seat to the action. A kid from our side hit the ball, it hit his leg and apperantly it hit the catcher's leg, too. He ran and got a double scoring us two points. The coach said it was a 'dead' ball because it hit their catcher. It didn't hit the catcher, but we let it go and called it a dead ball. The kid had to bat again, and the second time he scored a single and only on person got home.

Okay, whatever.

So like the next inning one of her kids are batting. They hit the ball. It bounces off their leg and goes near the catcher. The kid scores a single, but or coach says to call it a dead ball since it hit his leg. The other coach went berserk and started yelling at him saying it doesn't count and it wasn't fair. Her reasoning, "It didn't hit your catcher, so it's not the same thing." Our coach said it was only fair since it bounced off his leg and that's what made it get played as a 'dead' ball. The other coach started getting angry and said that it was whatever. She glared at our players the rest of the inning. It was their turn to bat, they hit and they had a 8 technically 9 point lead to us.
Our turn to bat and again, a kid got hit on the leg with the baseball. He knew it would be a 'dead' ball, so he stayed at home plate. The third baseman ran up to get the ball and tagged the runner. Their coach said it was an out and our coach said it was a 'dead' ball and that the kid got another swing. Then their coach said we were cheating and didn't know how to play. They yelled at each other and we're saying how bad each other coaching was. A guy who's a parent for our team came to support our coach and he brought up how bad sportsmanship she was showing. They kept yelling when finally the other coach said, "Well I guess the rumor about your team being horrible is true, just not for the right reasons. Anyways let's just keep going on with the dumb game".

That's when it got interesting. Our coach was fuming, but the game was going to continue with that runner just being out. The parent who stood up for the coach went to the other side and explained to the other coach how horrible she was behaving and suddenly two guy parents from their team comes up and yells at the parent from our team. They all start yelling at each other to back off from one another and everyone is getting in each other's face. Soon, our coaches, their coaches, and like 5 parents were just standing there arguing over this game. It takes a while, but finally they just stop the game completely and pack up their stuff. While my sister and I were leave, we saw a few cops arrive and they questioned what happened. All I could think of was that was one hell of a game.

06/15/16: I was missing her and staying home all day. My mom had to leave to work later because there weren't enough surgeries and we didn't go the park so we hung out until 1:30 p.m. Then she went to work, I did chores and worked on my dad's father's day gift. It was a drawing of a truck. I however ruined it so I had to start all over. Fluff My Llama.

06/16/16: My mom had her day off so we watched surgery how's all day and I worked on the new drawing. I was still missing and thinking about her, but it was a pretty good and normal day, overall.

And now, we are to the present; and that present sucked. I had to wake up early to go to a doctor's appointment for a checkup on my depression and antidepressant pills. My mom got mad at me because I took forever and because I was a slow walker, which in reality I walked a normal pace. I just walked behind her because I don't like walking next to people. I had the appointment and had to get a stupid freaking booster shot. I talked about my depression and how to help it. I walked home and my mom was still mad at me, so I kept quiet which made her more upset. When we got home, she told Dad which made him yell at me and he reminded me how selfish, lazy, spoiled, stupid, ignorant, and ungrateful I am. I cried all morning think about how horrible I am, and I thought about how horrible I am to people. I thought of how I was going to be alone because as my dad said, "No one would put up with a person like me. I'm a rude girl and will end up alone because of how I am." Oh well, I already knew that. After all, they only reminded me that for the past 17 years.
Afterwards, I made breakfast and helped my parents with outside work and chores. For some reason, I was still think about her and what her last text to me said.

I felt like shit all day, and I was sore. Yet, I know people have it way worse than me so I have no right to complain.

I guess this just proves I'm selfish.

Anyways my parents went to the pool and I just watched them. We came back and now I'm alone I'm my dark room.

Diary, Father's day is in 2 days and my birthday is in 3. Honestly though, I can't find myself pulling my mood up by that time. It's just another anniversary about me living in this Hell-o kitty world for another year.

So long, yet I'm back to thinking about self harm and suicide... I guess I really am just weak and pathetic... o don't deserve sympathy or closure, so that's it for today, Diary.

Time to sit with my dark thoughts.

Sincerely,
Me...