A Kiss Before The War

Chapter 2: March on the Mountain

Clarke's Perspective

The march on Mt Weather had finally begun. After all the planning, after all the waiting we were finally going to get our friends and loved ones back. Each step I took through the forest, each step that brought me closer to the end, brought with it a fresh set of nerves.

On top of that was my troubled mind which at least today felt like I was carrying added weight spread across my shoulders. I had dropped back earlier to speak with Octavia, to tell her that I was reassigning her to the rearguard but she flat out refused me. Insisted her place was up the front with Indra.

From what I've managed to understand about Grounder society and battle tactics, the number two usually has the back of their mentor in combat situations unless told otherwise. So I wasn't purposely going against proper procedure. Octavia just wouldn't understand and wouldn't listen when I told her I was just trying to keep her safe.

Did I think she could handle herself? Absolutely. Did I think I'd be able to deal with an enraged Bellamy if anything happened to her once this was all over? Absolutely not. She was proving to be as stubborn as I am and let me tell you, taking a mouthful of my own medicine didn't taste good.

Is this how others saw me when I staunchly defended my decisions? Did they feel as annoyed as I felt right now? Annoyed at her for going against my wishes. Annoyed at myself for not doing enough to sway her mind.

Having no other choice as she went back to treating me with the detached indifference she'd been employing since she discovered my knowledge of the attack on Ton DC, I walked back to my original position alongside Lexa.

I sensed as though someone was watching my back intently and looking over my shoulder, I saw my mom, the chancellor shooting me a less than forgiving look. I sighed; it seemed she was still not happy with me after the air strike either. So seemed to be the story of my life lately.

It'd become markedly different since assuming a leadership role. Everyone always seemed to have their own opinions on how I should run or do things and I was forever stuck in a rock and a hard place.

It was enough to drive someone insane, as the weight of every decision big or small continuously came under the microscope. You'd either get a pat on the back for a job well done, a correct decision made whilst simultaneously getting chastised for that same decision because there'd always be someone who came out on the losing end of a decision.

The only person who seemed to understand that was the girl standing next to me. I watched Lexa out of the corner of my eye and wondered if she'd ever gotten used to have the weight of the world on her shoulders or if she just hid it better than I did.

I found myself admiring her inner strength at being able to deal with all the things thrown her way. While I might not have liked some of her actions, plenty of which we'd actually argued about, I understood that she was always thinking about everyone else but herself. Her people truly did come first.

Even now as we marched to what could be our collective deaths, she was calm and in control, barking off orders every so often, confidence oozing from every pore and characterised by her posture. As she fixed one of her braids of her long brown hair, a felt a twinge of jealousy and a muted flush of desire.

Jealous that she could be so in control of the situation and look pretty whilst doing so and as for the desire...I still felt weird acknowledging the fact that post-kiss I was drawn to her more. I wasn't even sure she'd thought about anyone in that way as all of our previous encounters had been all business apart from that kiss and when she told me she cared for me.