Secrets And Lies: A Criminal Minds Fic

One

Y/N and Spencer parted from each other as the song ended, a look which they both understood passing between them. They retreated to the teams table at the FBI Spring Gala, excuses running through each of their heads.

“I’m feeling a little drunk” Y/N offered up first, JJ offering to escort her back to her hotel room. Y/N shook her head, it was only two floors up; she’d be fine.

Twenty minutes later and Spencer rubbed his temple’s, complaining of a headache. “I might just go and lie down for a while” he told JJ, missing the look she shot Emily over his shoulder.

“Sure, Spencer okay. You get some rest. You gonna call Georgia and let her know how tonight was? Shame she couldn’t make it.”

Spencer nodded and made his way around the tables and out of the room. Why did they have to mention Georgia? It only made him feel guilty and reminded him that what he was about to do, what he’d been doing for the last four months, was so wrong.

He knew he shouldn’t be doing this, he couldn’t believe he even was doing this. Spencer Reid, a long time girlfriend AND sleeping with his work colleague and best friend? No one would have ever believed it surely?

But it was happening, and it had been happening since a horrific case four months ago. Y/N had been distant on the way home from work and Spencer had taken it upon himself to go to her apartment later that evening to check on her. Georgia was out of town lecturing so he had nothing to do anyway. When he’d found Y/N crying into a glass of wine, the stress of the last week at work too much for her, he’d held her, comforting her. But the comforting had led to something else, a moment passing between them, a deep look. And then they were tearing at each others clothes, kissing and tasting each other like there was no tomorrow.

But tomorrow did come, and the guilt came. So Y/N and Spencer promised that it was just a one off. A moment between two friends, no one had to know, Georgia certainly didn’t have to know. It didn’t mean anything.

But it did. It meant so much, to the both of them, something they only admitted three weeks later when Y/N found herself knocking on his apartment door at 12:17am. She knew Georgia was out of town again, and she knew Spencer would answer to her.

So it had happened again, in the bed that Spencer shared with his girlfriend when she was home. And when the morning came, they promised each other once more that it wouldn’t happen again. It couldn’t happen again right? Spencer loved Georgia.

He did. But he knew now that he loved Y/N too, and he’d loved her for a lot longer than Georgia even if it was only friend love for a while. Now it was more though. Now it seemed that Y/N was his perfect partner, the missing puzzle piece in the jigsaw of his life. And she felt the same, not that she told him directly.

The guilt burned through Spencer’s veins every time he texted her, every time he even looked at her. But when they were together, he didn’t think about it. When he was with her, he forgot everything else that was happening in the world and it was like only they two existed.

He made his way to her hotel room, pulling out her spare key card that she’d slipped to him earlier and pushing open the door. Y/N’s shower was running, a trail of her clothes leading from the bed to the bathroom. Spencer’s own clothes joined them piece by piece as he made his way into the bathroom, slipping into the shower behind Y/N.

She immediately turned around and pressed her wet naked body to his, her arms looping around his neck as she caught his lips in a kiss that could easily make him forget his own name.

Their bodies melded together in the way they had done more often than either Spencer or Y/N cared to admit. They knew what they were doing was so wrong but it felt so right. Y/N wanted him, needed him right now and he felt exactly the same.

They moved from the shower, to the bed, even rolling onto the floor at one point in a fit of giggles before righting themselves and continuing their worship of each other. During the brief recovery times they allowed themselves, they talked. Not about her, but they made plans. Plans that they knew wouldn’t come to anything unless Spencer left Georgia, something he knew he’d have to do sooner or later.

But Y/N hadn’t asked him to do that.

That was part of the problem.

Y/N traced the outline of his face with her fingers, a map she’d memorised weeks ago. It was around 5am and she was sore and achy but she didn’t want to go to sleep because then she’d wake up and it would be tomorrow. And then Spencer would have to go home and she wouldn’t be with him.

She hated that, with a passion. She used to like Georgia as well, the first few times Spencer had bought her out with the team, Y/N had made an effort to get to know her. As Spencer’s best friend and close colleague, it was her duty to like his girlfriend. And she WAS a nice person.

But she wasn’t right for him. Y/N had thought that from day one, not that she’d voiced her feelings because she couldn’t give a specific reason as to why she thought that. Now she realised though that it was because she was secretly in love with Spencer. And that she secretly wanted him for herself.

She snuggled into his side, his arm holding her tightly against him. She loved him and she wanted him to belong to her the way she belonged to him.

But she couldn’t ask him to leave his girlfriend could she? He had to come to that decision himself, right?

What if though… What if he was waiting for her to ask? What if he was waiting for her to tell him she was so truly, madly and deeply in love with him. A love so irrecoverable from that she knew she was ruined for anyone else.

“Spencer….. ”

“Hmmmm?” his voice was raspy with the lack of sleep, his fingers drawing lazy patterns on her skin.

“I….. nothing.” She backed out, knowing once she said it that there was no going back. Right now they could try and kid themselves that it was just lust even though they were both fully aware that it wasn’t. Once those words were spoken, that was it. Decisions had to be made and someone was going to get hurt. And Y/N was petrified it would be her.

“No…. There’s something. Tell me” Spencer tilted her face up to his, his eyes searching hers.

“I can’t tell you”

Oh gosh, how quickly she’d ruined this moment. She could feel her chest tightening with emotion, with the frustration at not being able to tell the man she loved that she WAS in love with him.

“Yes you can, Y/N. You can tell me anything, you know that” he murmured to her, pressing a soft his to her forehead.

“Not this. I want to but… I can’t. You know though, don’t you?” her voice was filled with so much meaning, so much emphasis. He nodded.

“You know that I’m the same right?” he asked her and she felt the emotion that she’d been holding in, breaking free, a tear sliding down her face.

Spencer pulled her close again, pressing his head to hers.

“I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t stand to feel this way, it’s not right. What we’re doing isn’t right.”

Y/N’s heart started to break knowing it was going to be over shortly. This was where it ended, where they ended. It had to be.

She thought back to the dance they’d shared only hours ago. She’d been happy. In reality she was dancing with someone else’s partner but in her head, she was dancing with her boyfriend.