A Long Way From Home//Carl Grimes

Chapter 23 - Blood

The sky turns dark once again. Carl and I sit there, not talking or moving. It's so peaceful.
"Cass..how did you know where to find us?"
"I asked Gabriel. He said you were at Hilltop, so we took off. But, we took a break from trying to find you and we accidentally found you. We heard the whistles."
"You and Liam?"
"Yeah." Does it matter? We were trying to save them.
"Hm."
"What?"
"You've been spending a lot of time together lately." Of course. He's jealous.
"Carl..."
"He told me about what happened in the woods. You two holding hands and all. He didn't want me to be mad at you if I found out somehow." God, Liam. It's not like it meant anything..not to me anyway.
"Do you have feelings for Liam?" God. Why are we talking about this? Carl is safe. Everyone's safe. Except Jason..but everyone else is okay. We're all happy. But do I have feelings for Liam?
"He's a nice guy Carl. He respects me and my decisions."
"That wasn't a no."
"Carl, I don't. Okay? I was comforting him. That's all." He looks at me like he doesn't believe a word I'm saying. One of his famous Carl Grimes stares. Great.
"I don't want to fight. Did you not just hear me say I love you? You. Not Liam." He still doesn't stop staring at me. It's like he's trying to see if I'm telling a lie. God. Doesn't he get it? He finally nods.
"I'm sorry. I just-I can't lose you."
"We've been together for almost a year, Carl. You're stuck with me now." He smiles at this and slides his arm around me. It's funny how it can seem so peaceful when actually, the world outside these walls is terrible. I wonder sometimes if some cities have began to rebuild. What if New York is back up and safe. Or what if Atlanta is up and running. We need to go on a run for medical supplies soon. Just in case. You can never be too prepared. I need to be the one that goes because I know what we need. The scary thing is, I'll have to go to Atlanta. I need to go to a hospital and that's the closest one. I'm obviously not going to tell Carl this yet because he's demand I stay. He'll say I just woke up after getting hurt and he'll complain that I'll get hurt again. I was planning on taking Liam with me, but then Carl will get jealous and who knows. I could take both of them and then maybe Glenn? Rick? Tara too? That sounds pretty good. Might as well just ask him.
"Carl..how would you feel about going on a run?"
"Just us?"
"Well, I was thinking maybe us, Rick, Glenn, Tara, and..Liam?" He doesn't look too happy.
"Does Liam have to go?"
"Well..no. He's really good out there though."
"Then, yeah. Sure. Sounds good. When should we go?"
"Couple of days?" He nods. Okay. Good.
"We need to go into Atlanta." This will be the hard part. Atlanta will be full of walkers. It's going to be extremely dangerous.
"..Cass..I don't know. It's gonna be way too difficult."
"We need it." He stops and nods. That was surprisingly easy. The hard part will be Rick. Carl suddenly puts a hand on the side of my face and turns my head to face him.
"You know I love you, no matter what happens." He says, looking straight into my eyes. Why is he saying that?
"Carl why are you telling me this?" He looks so serious. I know he loves me..but why did he say, "no matter what happens"?
"Before you got to the prison, I didn't know if I could ever love anyone as much as I had loved my mom. When I lost her, I was broken. But you came, and my world changed. Just, promise me that if something ever happens where both of us are in danger, you save yourself and not me. You will not risk your life for me. There's no way. Not again. If something happens in Atlanta, you get yourself out." There's no way I can do that. I'm not going to save my own life before someone else's.
"I can't-"
"Promise me!" That's the first time I've heard him raise his voice in a long time..well, that loud anyway. It's scary actually.
"I promise." No. I don't actually. I can't promise something like that. He looks into my eyes again as if he's trying to tell if I'm lying. Then, he hugs me. Why is he acting so weird tonight?

-

Today's the day of the run. I haven't been on a run since Carl got shot, I think. The thought gives me chills. I stop the thought, grab my backpack, and open the door. I walk over to the car that we're taking and see everyone standing outside of it. I give Rick a nod and we all go inside the car.