My darkness

Feelings

I'm honestly so tired
I can't do this anymore
I can't continue to deal with someone
Who makes me feel like I'm not worth anything
Like there's something wrong with me
I know how to love
I know how to care about people
Just not her
My stomach turns in disgust
When people call that thing my mother
My mother died a long time ago
Now whatever is in her is not my mother
I shouldn't be forced to be deal with this
Why can't i be happy
Why do you keep pushing me toward this thing
I can't do this she is going to destroy me
Does it not matter that I'm happy
That I'm capable of living without her
Why can't I express how I feel
Why do you tell me not to say that
What do you want me to say
Do you want me to just lie and say that I love her and I want a relationship with her
When truly I hate the sight of her
When she says she loves me and she misses me
There's nothing there
All I feel is numbness and anger
I don't know how to love her anymore
I'm sorry but I can't
She's already broken me to a point
Where I fear that I won't climb back out
I'm tired of climbing back out
Sometimes I just want to sit in my dark whole
And suffocate in there
I'm so tired
I'm exhausted
I can't do this anymore
When my feelings are wrong in the eyes of others
But they won't take the understand
They won't take the time to listen
I'm screaming and telling you how I feel
But to continue to say the same thing
"She's your mother"
"Don't say that she's still loves you"
No
She doesn't love me
I have no mother
And I will continue to say how I feel
Until someone finally listens to what I have to say
And stop making excuses for her