My darkness

Being Here

I can't breathe here
The memories and pain would come
But nothing I couldn't handle
Here it drags me down
Drowning me
Laying in this bed
Brings back all the tears
All the pain I felt
As I clutched my pillow
While I tried to sob the pain from my body
The scream of agony that I felt
I lay here wishing
Wanting
To change the past
Change things that are forever frozen in the past
Nights are the worst
The memories come back
They are as vivid as the day they happened
I gasp for air remembering how badly I wanted to close my eyes and pretend it wasn't happening
I'm losing sleep over the memories
All these memories
All the things I can't change
Being here reminds me of how I got here
How I became this shell
Of this once happy girl
But now I have to battle everyday
With the memories
Telling myself that I can do it
When secretly knowing
That I can snap at any moment
Being here
Isn't healthy
Being here has opened to many old wounds