My darkness

Me and Her

It's hard to describe her

She's always in my corner

Always whispering to me

But don't be fooled she is not my friend

She is the enemy

Taking over my mind

One second at a time without me even noticing

Lingering right next to me

Telling me things that I've never even realized

Making me question my entire being

Most days I ignore her

But on bad days she begins to shout and scream at me

Making me give her attention

Making me slip back into a past that I've tried to forget

She hates it when I ignore her

She makes me listen

Repeating every flaw like a record

With no end in sight

All I hear is her is her voice

She's able to change me within seconds

The smiling laughing girl fades away

And a pensive frown creases my brow

As I listen to the new report

The whispering of her voice in my mind

It's deafening

My mind is swirling around the new flaw

The new reason to change me

The new reason to why everything I do is wrong

She hates it when I eat

Each time I finish she begins to bitch and moan

Making me regret even taking in those suffocating calories

With each bite, she tells me I'm getting further away from my goal

"Who would ever love you"

As I look at the pale pink lightning bolts

Crossing paths with each other on my extended stomach

"Disgusting" she whispers quietly

"Disgusting" I whisper back into the reflection of myself

I try to imagine myself, skinner

Sucking my stomach until I don't have a breath in my body

This is when she is most silent

I know she approves of this image of myself

This allusion that I make of myself is what I strive for

Now I think about every bite

Every suffocating calorie

Now she begins to praise me

When the loud grumbles of my stomach shake my body

As I force myself to remember that allusion of myself

As I remind myself this is the only way

I'm fighting her off in my own way

I try to appease her

All I want is for her to leave

But for now, I must follow her every word

Taking every whisper as fact

I must not deviate from her plan

Or else I will be left feeling even more guilty than the moment before