Paper hearts

Chapter 7

One week after the incident on the music room, I was dismissed on the hospital. The doctor said I'm pretty okay, but my parents told me I have to spend another week at home so I can have a rest but I refused because of being absent at school, I've missed a lot of activities, quizzes, etc.

I went straight to my locker to get some of my things for my first subject when a paper heart fell.

Happiness is not about getting what you want all the time; it's about appreciating what you already have. You'll know everything soon.

RB :)

I'll know what? This sounds confusing. I looked at the clock and uh-oh. I'm fifteen minutes late. Ugh. I ran so fast to reach our room when I saw no one.

"Where are my classmates?" I asked to myself while scratching my head when I realized it's Monday. Ugh. Stupid girl. You don't have classes every Monday.

So I decided to just go at the rooftop when I saw Gab flirting with a girl. I just walk straight as if l I don't see anything. But Gab called me.

"Sam!" he said.

It took me some time to face him and tell him, "Why?"

"You're just a stupid girl. I can tell them how boring your life is, and whenever I'm with you? It feels like I want to vomit every single word I am telling you. You don't deserve someone, you don't deserve to be loved." He said grinning. The girl he's flirting is hugging him while saying all those words to me. I was left there standing and don't know what to say. I can feel my tears running down my face.

"I know I'm stupid. Stupid for loving you! I'm sorry." I feel like an idiot for crying in front of him with that slut girl. I put my hands on my face so he can't see how hard I cry. I saw Gab leaving. It hurts.

"Sam!" I don't know who is it but it sounds familiar so I turned around, and was surprised when I saw Harry. I ran towards him and hugged him so tight.

"What happened? Why are you crying?" he asks.

"It's nothing." I said. Okay, I lied.

"I know you Sam. Don't lie." Then he let go of me and wipe my tears. "Don't cry, just tell me."

"I fell in love with a jerk." I said. I feel so small every time I said that.

"Everyone makes mistakes. It's part of growing of Sam. it's okay, This too shall pass." Then he pat me on my head.

"Thanks. I feel better for a while." I smiled at him.

"Good! So how are you?" he asks.

"I told you I'm not good." Then I form a sad face.

"Okay. I think this is not the right place to make 'Hi', 'Hello' and 'How are you'. Let's go to the cafeteria."

"Okay."

After two hours of chit-chatting he takes me home.

"So see you next time?" he said.

"Okay. Thanks for today." Then I hug him again.

"Bye!" he said then he leaves.

I went straight to my room and cry again. How can I move on? What am I going to do when the best part of me was always him? I really hate myself for falling in love with Gab. I know I've said it so many times but I feel so stupid and small. I should have known him first before falling in love with him. This is my first time to fall for a person that's why it hurts so bad.

I sat on the chair then grab my guitar, you can call it an emo but I don't care. I want to let the pain out of my chest.

Goodbye love, you flew right by love

Remember the way you made me feel

Such young love but something in me knew that it was real

Frozen in my head

Pictures I'm living through for now

Trying to remember all the good times

Our love was cutting through so loud

Memories are playing in my dull mind

I hate this part paper hearts

And I'll hold a piece of yours

Don't think I would just forget about it

Hoping that you won't forget

I know we've been together for some time but the memories that we've shared together even if I know that it was all fake, it keeps on playing on my mind. I really can't forget him. I can't contain this anymore. I feel so weak again! I can't breathe; it's happening again, it hurts.

I woke up and saw I was in a white room. Where am I? Ugh, my head hurts.

"Good morning Sweetie. You've been asleep for two days. How are you? Are you hungry?" My mother looks so worried when she said that.

"What? Two days? What happened?" I ask.

"You fainted again." She said.

"But why?"

"It's because you cry so hard that night."

"Okay. But why do I feel so weak and why do I have red spots on my skin?" I ask.

"Maybe the doctors would be the one to tell you why." Mom said with her sad tone.

After a minute the doctor arrived.

"Are you okay Sam?" the doctor said.

"I feel so weak and I have red spots in my skin."

"You're suffering from leukemia Sam and its stage four, I'm sorry." Woa. Woa. Why? In just a snap of a finger everything falls down. My mind was full of things I can't even say. I'm crying again and again.

"We are really sorry Sam for not telling you all of these at first." Kurt said.

I feel so hopeless. Why in the world I am suffering from all of this shits! When will I stop crying? When will I be happy? Why I'm the only one suffering? What did I do?

"Leave me alone please! I don't want you to see me dying!" I can't even tell them anything except this.

"No Sam. You can do it, we are all here for you and God will not let you die." Mom said.

"There's no God mom! If there's a God why am I suffering to all of this shit! I'm dying mom! So there's no reason to believe in God anymore! Stop telling me that I still have hope in everything, because there's none." I can't stop the tears running down my face. I don't want to cry anymore but how? I want to die now.

"Sam please don't say that." dad said.

"JUST. LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. I know I'm so bad for saying all those things on them but what will I do? I have leukemia. What will they expect on me? To be happy? Ugh. What's happening on me? Why did it happen? There's so many question on my mind. I want an answer, but where I can find it?

"Ahhhh!" I screamed.

"Sam, honey, stop it please" mom said. She's also crying.

"NO! Leave me alone!" I shouted at her.

I'm sorry mom for being so bad to you.

"Sam I know that it's hard to accept, but please, live for us, we have a solution, and we can cure it. Please honey." My dad is begging on me.

"Okay. We'll just leave you here. But wait, someone gave me this." Then he gave me the paper heart.

"Disappointment is not an easy thing to face, but standing strong in the face of disappointment and picking yourself up afterwards is crucial to living a good life."

Please live for me Sam. We need you. I need you.

RB : )

In spite of all the things happened, everyone is here for me. But I am pushing all of them away. I'm dying.

My mind went blank.

Why is everything falling apart?