Dear Jonathan

Chapter 7

Dear Jonathan,

I have said a lot of things about you. Most of them weren't so good; I'm going to fix that today. I'm going to address the good side that you know you have. You give people this impression that you're so hard and impenetrable. Maybe even a little devious. But I know better...

I'll start with the obvious. You're a fucking marine. The ultimate do-gooder, along with everyone else in the military that has dedicated months, and in your case years, endangering yourself just so I can sleep peacefully at night knowing that I'm not going to wake up to a bomb attack or people trying to invade my house. I want to thank you for what you're doing for this country, for your service and your bravery. I understand that your job comes with a price; killing someone no matter if they are the enemy must not be easy an easy feat. I can't even begin to imagine. So thank you.

If you weren't in the military, you would probably be the CEO of a major company by now. You're a genius! Hell, you didn't even need to go to high school. Everyone knows you could've tested out. That's what I wanted to do. I hated my school so bad that I wanted to drop out and get my GED when I was fourteen. Luckily we met shortly after and the rest was history. So, let's see. I mentioned your service, your brilliance..what's next? Ah, yes, your compassion! You truly have a kind heart but you don't want people to know that about you. Why?

Don't think I don't know about how you bought the Smith kids lunch tickets. You fed those kids lunch every day for as long as we were in high school. And while I'm on the subject of your benevolence, I want to mention that I also knew that you put together Thanksgiving and Christmas food baskets for the needy in our community. Basically, you're like a hybrid of Santa Claus and Superman. You're simply amazing. It's no wonder that I'm in love with you.

So you're a little full of yourself, and you have a bit of a mean streak, and you used me... So what! I forgave you a long time ago Jonathan, I know you were scared. For example, remember that time when I got that horrible grade on my science test and I didn't sleep for a week because I was scared of what my dad might do to me? I was so freaked out that I crashed at your place for a week and my dad still hasn't found out about that F! We laugh about it now, but in the moment it was absolutely terrifying. I know you must've been scared of what you felt that night before you left because it challenged everything we'd been taught to believe so you left and stayed gone for years thinking you could run away from it all. Bad news. You can't run away from yourself, it's impossible! You'll ruin yourself just like I ruined myself! I tried so hard to forget that I loved you, but it doesn't work like that! No matter. I'm getting off topic again. Sorry. You're a very good man and you have a huge heart. I am in awe of you.

I could see you bringing little candies and sweets to the children over in Afghanistan. I could also see you buying shoes for the little ones who run around barefoot. Am I right? That is something you would do. It has Jonathan written all over it! You want to make a difference and you have! Those Smith kids, they've started a huge charity at the school to donate dry, and canned goods to help those who really need it. The food goes to a soup kitchen at the City Rescue Shelter. That charity still runs year round at the high school.

Remember the neighborhood you delivered Thanksgiving and Christmas baskets to? They raised some money and started a garden that is now a successful, local farmer's market. Guess whose name it bears? Yours. People go there all the time to pick up fresh fruits and veggies. With all the profit they make, they aren't so needy anymore. All of these things happened because one single person had the balls to give a fuck... and that person was you, my love. Look at what happened because of you!

Alright, now for the hard stuff. Fair warning, this is may upset you. I see straight through all that nonsense you told everyone about how you were "Bored with life, so I joined the marines". No one joins the marines just because they are bored. I call bullshit. In my humble opinion, I think you were scared long before we made love. You're going to hate me for saying this but I think maybe... possibly... you love me as much as I love you. You just have to move past your fears.

Time may not be on my side but at least I can be around you like this. As we both know, I'm not spoiled and I'll take what I can get. I want you to know that despite everything, it's okay to love me. I can still be your David, and you'll always be my Jonathan whether you love me in that way, or not and I won't be mad if you don't love me. I'm not looking for some huge profession of love. Take it one day at a time. Don't be scared, babe. You already know I love you. Once you detach yourself from everyone else's opinion and come up with your own thoughts on who you can love, you'll be able to see it for yourself too.

          To my Supersanta,

                      X.

P.s. I bribed the the lunch secretary to tell me who bought the Smith kids their lunch tickets because I had my suspicions.

P.p.s The kids in that neighborhood you were helping out came here and were asking about you.. It shattered my heart when little Charlie started crying because I told him I didn't know when you were coming back to see them. Please go visit the neighborhood. They want to thank you for everything you've done --and I think Charlie wants to play soccer with you.

__________________________

I did not change Michael's name to David. I wrote David and Jonathan on purpose. It's sort of a biblical pun. Jonathan and David were friends in the bible. If you don't believe me read 1 Samuel 20:17. According to that particular verse, they were very close friends.