Dear Jonathan

Chapter 8

Hi everyone! Warning: this chapter may come off as controversial especially if you are religious... Let me say that this is a fictional book and if I offend anyone it is purely unintentional, I am not picking on anyone and I apologize to you from the bottom of my gay heart! That being said, ready your tissues..

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Dear Jonathan,

Today is difficult for me... Everything that I'm enduring medically seems to magnify my emotions. I feel like a lab rat because they keep testing me for all these weird diseases and giving me these expiramental medicines thinking that it will cure me. Yea right. As if I didn't have enough on my plate already. I'll give it to you no bullshit: I miss you more than words can express. I miss all of our midnight talks, our spontaneous movie rendezvous, just being your best friend, everything. I will always consider the time we had as the best times of my life. I say that lightly because I know that you are repulsed by me right now. I wish there was something I could do to make you more comfortable with me.

I wouldn't ever do anything to hurt or harm you, that's why I left you alone especially when you were back in town for the holidays. Your mom always begged me to go with her when she went to see you. I know you would turn her away when she would come back in shambles and your dad would have to comfort her. He would say "Don't worry, darling. Maybe next year he'll come around." She would respond by whimpering "At least I know he's alive this year. Maybe I won't be so lucky the next."

It was the same script every year. I turned her down time after time because I know I would only make things worse for her... if you knew I was living in their lake house or had any affiliation with your parents; you probably would've set it on fire as I slept... not that I would've held a grudge or anything. I would've been grateful to you; you would've put me out of my misery.

I remember when you used to preach at church. Your sermons carried so much passion and knowledge that people didn't give a shit that you would go party and bang a few girls on Saturday then go preach the next day on adultery. It was the worst type of double standard. I was right next to you the whole time too, Saturdays were devoted to booze, dancing, and all the girls you could possibly fit in one night.

Funny thing is you didn't need a wingman. You didn't need me at all. You could've held a city-wide orgy and all the girls would've showed up, including my mother! She always urged me to be more like you. If she only knew you... I'm not saying you're a horrible person because I know you're not, I mean I could never be you. I could never be as confident, eloquent, beautiful and intelligent as you.

When you spoke at church, people would fall on their knees, crying and repenting from their corrupt ways. It's like you have this brainwashing ability. Where did you learn to be so persuasive? Everyone knew what you were doing! You flaunted it! You had no shame!

How can you peach about this this god that hates me, that hates what we did, that hates what you do for a living? "Thou shalt not kill." Right? "Thou shalt not commit adultery." And lets not forget, "If a man lies with another man as he lies with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination. They shall surely be put to death. Their blood shall be upon them."

Sound familiar? It's all right there in that sacred book.. And people have the nerve to call the bible god's love letter to man? How many sick fucks are gonna believe that shit?! The bible basically says: "Do whatever I want or be eternally banished and tormented because if you don't obey me, you mean nothing to me." Again, Jonathan, what type of shit is that? How does that spread a message of hope and forgiveness to me, the sinner? This "loving" god you so fervently preach about made me queer so I'll forever burn.. At least thats how it feels for me. I already told you, I was damned to begin with.. I can't help this.