Dear Jonathan

Chapter 13

Yes, I'm back! I apologize profusely for this whole waiting shit. I hate it. I have recently acquired a new computer so expect weekly updates! Blah blah blah. Here's the next installment.

 

 

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Jonathan

 

I woke up with a start. I looked over at Michael and took a second to admire him. He mesmerizes me. He amazes me. Michael is an extraordinary, special person. An inspiration. It's crazy to think how easily he waltzed into my life and overtook me. I could hardly believe how everything happened so quickly. I think about how my parents arrived just moments after Michael agreed to marry me. They both got to share and celebrate our special moment.

 

I was careful not to uncover Michael as I climbed out of bed because I just didn't want to see his black and blue skin-- and I don't want Michael to get cold. I was so tired yesterday and I was probably running on adrenaline because of everything that happened. I will apologize to the doctor and talk to him, this time with a level head and with more purpose. I need to find out what Michael's options are. Does he have to spend the remainder of his life in this hospital? Does he need physical therapy to help him stay mobile or is he truly paralyzed? I wonder if he can travel? Michael always talked about going to Paris. I have so much I want to share with Michael. There are so many things I want to do, there are places I want to take him, people I want him to meet! I am trying to cram everything we would ever do in our lifetime together in six tiny months or less. I don't know if I can do this..

 

Sidka had made it in the bed after awhile and he's curled up in the cutest ball with his tail touching his nose. Damn. I have everything I ever wanted in Michael. We also have another individual that we mutually love and share together, Sidka. I realize this is probably the closest we will ever get to having a kid and that the three of us are a family no matter how small, no matter how it looks or what anyone says. This is my family. This is my very own family and I am bursting at the seams. God, I love him so much. I love them both.

 

I start to tidy his hospital room to keep my mind off things. There are still balloons everywhere, so I get them together and tie them to the edge of his bed before seeking his doctor out. Peeking out from under Michael's belongings, there's an envelope that had a 'Return to Sender' stamp on it. I set it aside so I could read it as soon as I step out. Before I left I made sure to leave Michael a note so he wouldn't freak out again. When I was far enough from the room I read the letter.

 

Dear Jonathan,

 

                         I really don't know what the fuck I'm doing, but writing seems to help sort things out in my mind. I know right now you're terribly mad at me for things that recently happened between us. I'm sure that you are feeling so confused, and that obviously was your first time with a guy (you were my first too.. and second, and third). I was hoping that I could come down to California to see you graduate from basic training? I need to see you one last time, I couldn't bear to leave us on such horrible terms. Seriously, Jonathan. I am only asking for one more time. I'm freaking out so hard right now. I swear, the only thing I want from you is to see you. You don't even have to acknowledge my presence.. just being around you has become the air in my lungs. If there is anything at all that I can do to make you stop hating me, I will do it. Name it!