Dear Jonathan

Chapter 14

This was not the chapter I wanted to publish. I got drunk so that I could write a heartfelt chapter like I normally do and this time I  was too turnt. I couldn't even pick apart what I was trying to write the next day. So, here is this and I'm gonna go rewrite that chapter now...

To all the new followers, welcome aboard!!!

___________________________________

Michael

Journal entry #14

Forever. Until the end of time. For all eternity. Forever.

One word, seven letters, one huge meaning. How is it that this tiny word means so much? I've come to realize that the smallest words have the biggest impact. Don't believe me? Here are some examples:

Love.

Hate.

Die.

Live.

Hug.

Kiss.

You.

Me.

Always.

'Forever' is a versatile word, it's an absolute word and it can take on many meanings. That's why Jonathan and I made this word our wedding vows. It might sound weird to you, but we didn't feel the need to say "For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death.." That would have been very tedious because we are so beyond that point in our lives. We wanted to write our own vows and when we thought about it, this is all we really wanted of each other. Forever.

We decided to have the wedding at the lake house, on the edge of the water. Cristoph will officiate. Ellie said she wanted to decorate, and I have no idea how to decorate a lake so I gave her free reign. I didn't have anyone to invite to the ceremony so Jonathan insisted that he would take care of the guest list. In my spare time, I have been cooking up a good surprise for Jonathan on our wedding day.. He is going to freak out!

I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am just to be able to breath the same air as him. I swear, sometimes I think my life is a fairy-tale. Jonathan started this ritual, and in the beginning I thought it was silly and annoying as hell but now I don't. Every hour, except when we sleep, he drops everything he is doing, comes to me and says 'I love you', then he snaps a photo of us on his phone.

Who does that? No one but my romantic, beautiful fiancé. In the short weeks that we have been living together, I don't think I have ever loved him more. I don't think I can love him more. My heart has reached its full capacity of love.

I think the most difficult thing right now is learning to deal with this stupid wheelchair. Jonathan saw me struggling with it so naturally he bought himself a chair and refuses to walk around the house.

He uses the chair as soon as he steps in the front door. I didn't understand at first, I thought he was making fun of me, then I realized his actions and it was enough to make me cry a little bit. Of course, when he saw me cry he rushed by my side, attentive as ever.

"Why the hell are you making fun of me? You don't need a wheelchair, so why are you using one?" I accused him.

"I'm not making fun of you! I thought if you had to use a chair then so would I! I would never understand the struggle you go through trying to use a wheelchair without doing this and I would never purposely poke fun at the love of my life. Ever."

"Oh.."

"Yea, oh." He mimicked, kissing me softly. "I love you."

"I love you too, Jonathan."

"Smile for the camera!"

I love him too fucking much.

I look different because I've been off of chemo for awhile. My lips are almost pink again, my skin has cleared up and my hair finally covers my whole head! Wooo! I did not like having a bald head or having to wear gloves and a hat while it's summer outside. You look so out of place when you're dressed for winter in the middle of summer, like an alien. Speaking of summer, I feel warm again. I feel life running through my veins. I feel good, I'm about to marry the only man I have ever wanted, the one who has always been there for me when it counted. Do you know how happy that makes me? No, you don't. And you probably never will. He makes me feel such joy, he's so happy all the time like I am the grand prize he's won at the fair.. but we all know, just like Cinderella, I'm no prize.. but I still get my happily ever after. I have my Prince Charming and he's not going anywhere.

                    --Michael