sleep // styles {au}

=4=

I swear making people walk out of my life is like my fucking specialty…

No one stays longer than a couple years and then they just walk away from me. My father left us when I was five. Crystal, my sister, she said that it affected her more than it affected me because I was just a baby. Little does she know is that our father leaving us is partially the cause of why I can’t sleep.

I could literally list all of the reasons why I can’t sleep. It’s because of these things that I sit up and over think. One reason would be my dad walking out on us. Another would be my mother passing away recently. A few more would be the countless times I’ve been fucked over by people that I love, having a best friend that forgot about me for more important people, and having your heart broken by the only guy that you gave yourself to.

I never thought that I would have such a fucked up life. Everything used to be perfect, but once my mom passed away shit just blew up in my face. I think everything that happened before my mom died just slowly built up inside and then just caved in, trapping me in the past. All I can think about is all the shitty things that have happened to me these past few years. No nineteen year old should be suffering from insomnia this bad.

It’s not just insomnia that I suffer from though. I have this crazy OCD that makes me pick myself apart because my life isn’t perfect.

That’s all I want, a perfect life that is.

Maybe Crystal is right, maybe I do need help. I honestly don’t think that I’m insane but to other people I probably am.

[sorry it's so short. Like i said, the first few chapters are going to be short. Well you know that deal, vote and comment please! N.P]