I Rant On About Crap

VBS/Summer

So, as some of my real friends would know, I have to work at the church.

Quite a lot, actually.

But, every summer, we hold a program at my church called Vacation Bible School, or VBS for short.

Since I do stuff for the church, I help out with this, but the thing is....

I don't want to.

You see, when we hold this, we have maaaaaaaaaaaaaany children attend this, so we split them into groups. Obviously since the groups are groups of children between the ages of like, 6-10, they need supervision.

Who do we need to lead them?

Crew Leaders.

Guess what is a butt to do.

You guessed it.

Being a CL.

So like, I CAN be a nice person, if I want to. But this job is very much not for me. No matter how many times I have to tell my parents, they just won't let me not do this, since I'm part of this group at church called "Cafe".

The leaders of this Cafe group said that if I don't want to do something, I can just tell them. But I just can't do that. I have to at least try to do anything I'm asked... kind of. I'm not even nice enough for this job, I'm not even to much into the belief of the Godly figure that everyone worships because of a book, and I just can't convince my parents that I don't want to do this.

Sometimes I wonder why this program is even existential.

Sometimes I wonder why I am existential.

But anyway, right off the bat, I have awkward stories about Vacation Bible School.

I don't want to tell them.

But it's the type of thing that gets me to stay up at night, thinking about what could all go wrong, and how can I resolve it, without having to think about it too much, because I know that when I do it, I need to do it fast, or I will start to doubt myself, and think about all of those horrible scenarios again. That's just the person I am, and I can't help that. I've done it all of my life, and a lot of the time, it ends well, but thinking back to the scenarios that I have thought about, and what happens, shows me that I exaggerate, WAY too much.

I'm not going to lie, some of my friends think I'm kind of positive. But the people that truly know me...

Know that I am very negative.

Nobody knows just how negative though.

And nobody will know.

This is probably one of the many reasons why I don't want to be around overly positive people.

A slap in their face is all I want in life.

But I need to take their actions, and learn from them.

Copying is something that I'm not the greatest at, but pretending is something that I have grown to get better at over the years that I have lived on this planet.

Anyway, back to VBS.

So, as of recently, I have to do this again.

For a week.

Today (June 20th) was the first day. And I'll just say, today was an absolutely horrible day.

I tried to keep to myself... somewhat.

As in, away from the children.

Actually, I was trying to be conservative with the battery of some lights that were given to the children. You know, those little tiny plastic candles, that have a light-bulb in them, and have an on-off switch on the bottom?