Sick Intentions

Chapter Eleven

They had sex, they made love together and despite what Benjamin wants to believe he knows deep down he liked it. He enjoyed such an act he should have been pulling away from not embracing. He wasn't intoxicated but the sober man Helen had been wanting to love for years. Except he never could be this sober for long as she wished but for someone else, for someone who killed her he finds it easy? He's found the willpower he never thought he had to resist the urge?

The question is why now? Why is he becoming this sober man he was always meant to be? Why is the past not plaguing him and haunting him? Why is he doing okay, better then okay in life here? Why is he not putting up a fight against Piercen and thinking of ways to kill him? Is this, these feelings really part of his plan or something else all together?

"Can I ask you a question?" Benjamin asks having eaten dinner in the coldness of his dungeon not fearing much these days. He's gotten past being scared. Heck he's gotten passed the withdrawals of drinking to be able to face a murderer sober. He's accomplished a lot in someways his family should be proud. Though he hasn't accomplished one big- huge - accomplishment which is leaving this hell but it's one step at a time right?

Piercen hesitates at first before he decides what's the harm in a simple question form the one he loves? They've been getting along in the pass three weeks. Spending less awkward time together when the time is being filled with conversation not dead silence. "Sure." he says showing no emotion but a weak attempt of a smile.

Questions have been wandering and building inside Benjamin from the beginning. He has been wanting to know answers from the man holding him for months and here is the perfect opportunity for him to seek some truths. "What month is it?" comes out not the actual question he had intended to ask but it's too late to take back and ask another. Could it be a sign having asked another isn't in the best interest of him when Piercen is a murderer and takes no shit from anyone?

His fate, his life is in Piercen's hand more now than before since their relationship has gone to a whole new level has it not? A sick thought emerges from Benjamin's mind of another night of sex with Piercen but what if Piercen decides to kill him in the heat of the moment? Would he? Will he? Is he that sick and demented even having revealing his true feelings to Benjamin? Would he still want to kill him for fun and have it take place in the most intimate weak moment?

"December, but I don't think that's what you want to know." Piercen reads him like a book knowing everything with only looking on the surface of Benjamin.

"Oh." he replies, his head falling down to look at the cement floor. 'December?' he thinks to himself, questioning the realization of being here for three months. Under the house and trapped and having gotten nowhere close to leaving the grips of a man wanting him as his forever. 'Three months and no one has come looking for me? No one cares? Did everyone forget about me only thinking of me as some drunk in the family with no future ahead? Am I really nothing to them to easily forget about?'

Benjamin crosses his arms and rests his head on his knees sitting in the corner he always does but tonight he's done trying. He's tired of everything. He wants no part and just wants to be alone. He wants to sulk in his own pity by himself thinking he had a reason to leave. Thinking he had something to fight for. Thinking he had family that at least cared but apparently they don't. No one cares when he finally is sober and needs them now more than ever.

******

Sitting on the floor inches in front of Benjamin, Piercen sits uncomfortable. He can see something is wrong. He knows something is wrong yet he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to react to others reactions and feelings. He's never felt empathy towards another. He doesn't feel much of anything except this new found feeling of love blossoming in the hollowed hole that is supposed to be his heart.

'What am I supposed to think? What am I supposed to do?' Piercen asks himself.

Benjamin was fine the day before. He's been adjusting to his life with Piercen with conversations shared between them. He hasn't brought her up ever since the day he broke down and revealed he wanted Piercen to show him what love really is. Piercen of course did so and has continued to three other occasions but now Benjamin is falling apart in front of him.

Sadness in his voice. Sadness in his posture. Sadness in the silence. Too much sadness beginning to suffocate Piercen in the room being this close to Benjamin.

He knows he loves him. He has loved him from the very day he truly looked into Benjamin's eyes after Helen was gone and he knew they shared something. Something special, something caught his eyes of the man before him. Lonely, sad, broken and wanting love like Piercen after having endured a hard life.

"What's wrong?" he finally questions placing his hand on Benjamin's shoulder. Trying to be comforting which is something he has never been able to do. He sounds cold and frigid instead not having been in this situation before. "Tell me what's wrong." he repeats worst then moments earlier, hardly any emotion drawn out this time.

Benjamin slowly lifts up his head to look up at Piercen feeling like a failure. Feeling like everything he has been doing has been pointless. He was trying to trick Piercen to get away from here but suddenly it seems meaningless. He feels worthless. "I...nothing." he sobs, warm salty tears slipping down from the corner of his eyes.

It dawns on Piercen the truth behind the smile for weeks. He's known all along the past would creep up for Benjamin and not only in the form of Helen or about being here but something else. Benjamin is struggling with his past and family not caring even to notice his departure. It can be said about anyone to disappear and fall off the face of earth that they would like to know if those they call family and friends would notice them gone. Realize they haven't talked in a long time and should worry for them. No one wants to be forgotten and never looked for but it seems Benjamin and Helen are the unlucky ones.

Helen's family has completely stopped contact with her phone and he has nothing to worry about of her family calling. He doesn't have to worry about them showing up and asking where she is or why she stopped calling. Piercen made sure the last text message he sent appeared to be something Helen would text. Conjuring all the words Helen might want to say to get her family off her back once and for all to live her..well after life free of them.

Benjamin's family on the other hand haven't tried and never will. They almost forgotten about him and don't care to keep in touch. They don't care to worry anymore about someone they believed was too far gone to help.

They first thought when he had gotten with Helen she was perfect for him. She could maybe change the man he was by turning to alcohol after the passing of a family member he loved dearly. Each death in the family turning him into someone who longed for death and didn't see the reason in living. He was struggling under the weight of the world on top of his shoulders wanting someone to enter his life to make him want to live.

Helen had gotten him to stop and change for a little while. A little while is all until he reverted back into his old ways. He wasn't happy with Helen and his family gave up hope on a loss cause like Benjamin.

Piercen knows this all too well. He knows what it's like to be looked at like nothing in the eyes of your own family. His living relatives never speak to him and neither does he try to build a relationship.

'Family is nothing in my eyes. All I need is someone to love and love me.' Piercen thinks to himself not seeing why people constantly struggle in gaining approval of others. Especially family members who are hypocrites themselves. No good lying scumbags with nothing better to do then judge people they should be supporting and not be putting down.

"I tried...I tried to be someone better for years but I couldn't. I couldn't change until now and they probably wouldn't care anyway." Benjamin musters up the words to speak without silently crying.

"You don't have to try anymore. People in the past don't matter anymore and what does is us. I can love you. I can care about you as long as you do the same for me. We are all that matters in the world. No one else. Nothing else." Piercen says reaching out for Benjamin, for the very frst time able to comfort someone that he knows he loves in his heart.

He has a heart and he's giving it to Benjamin. To have and to hold without murder getting in the way, well for now at least.