Sick Intentions

Chapter Twelve

Sometimes weeks, months and years cannot suppress the tainted memories etched into the mind of a young child. There is no escaping such horrific acts that perhaps set said child down a murderous path. There is no amount of therapy done now to fix what happened in the past. No great magic pill to swallow and forget. No 'I'm sorry' can be said to reverse the evident acts to change Piercen from what he turned into. Because truthfully there in no definite guarantee he wouldn't be the same man he has become who has killed about one woman a year since nineteen.

Dark thoughts always linger in people's minds under the surface for years without even realizing it. Creeping up every now and then. Pulling at the individual to go down that dark path that sounds and looks so tempting. Most choose not to give in to such sick deranged thoughts involving killing but some unleash all the balled up anger, frustration, sadness and pain onto another.

Sometimes though it is a mixture of everything to have someone like Piercen give in after years of pretending to be okay. Ignoring those thoughts the longest he can until he can no longer hold back towards the people who have done him wrong throughout his life.

Then again there are those born to be evil with no remorse from a young age. Showing no sign of being affected by something horrible they caused. They can't even feel happiness or sadness. Nothing can be felt and that nothing makes them empty inside and that emptiness never goes away except for a slight hint of joy to surface by indulging in the dark thoughts to have lingered for years.

Piercen has been searching for someone to fill the void he's felt since childhood. Seeking someone to take the pain from his youth he hides so well. Waiting for that someone to give him these feelings of love and continuous joy he hasn't ever felt for another. Watching in anger and jealousy those around him undeserving never have to go through what he had to and they always get what they want well he doesn't. He hasn't had it easy in life except for now.

Now he's in control. He's in charge with the power everyone older, taller and bigger had over him when he was younger. He has strength to end someone's life and play into their weaknesses for however long he wants. He has their life in his hands and there is nothing they can do as they cower underneath him.

His every victim does not see a scared little boy cowering underneath a big scary man. They do not hear the internal screams in his head caused by the one he was suppose to trust and look up to. They do not smell the fear or is that something else dampening his pants?

They see a deranged man on top of them. They hear his demented whispering, 'Give in and love me already.' he says every time he is in control. They smell the tainted air of sweaty bodies pressed together as they try to escape him. And without realizing it they both felt the same violation of unwanted hands touching their body.

Hands roaming everywhere as dark thoughts plagued both; one giving into these sick twisted intentions and the other giving up on life. Both felt pain. Both felt useless and weak at one point in their life. Both shared emotions under someone else's control and power. Both struggling until they reach the end of the road.

Their end of the road was death for never being the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. They couldn't make him happy. They couldn't take away the pain. They couldn't fill the void. They couldn't stop the dark thoughts to indulge in and the past to make him who he is. They couldn't be the love he wanted for so long. They were never enough and that's why they died by his hands.

He always killed them. He always got tired of them not long after of thinking they are the one. 'Except Benjamin.' he thinks to himself, sitting upstairs on the recliner, in the living room upstairs with the television on.

Benjamin is different. He's truly someone to have Piercen think he's found the one to make him whole. He's the one to make Piercen stop killing because he has no need to dispose of the bodies. He is the one to have Piercen confirm he does have a heart. He can love and have something special just like everyone else. Benjamin can take away the pain. Benjamin can make the bad memories be forgotten from Piercen's childhood his father ruined to form new memories to cherish forever. Benjamin is already filling the empty void in Piercen's hollowed heart. He's causing love to blossom and bloom but is this all to life?

Piercen hardly drinks but tonight after spending several hours with Benjamin this Friday night he decides he deserves a drink. Grabbing the glass bottle of the beer by it's neck and taking a swig. Swallowing the distasteful beer no one loves the taste to but love of the fuzzy feeling inside after each drink. Emotions swirling inside and taking the edge off Piercen's conflicted mind.

He's been thinking a lot lately. He's been evaluating his new life and love in the passing weeks and months. Looking it over. Dissecting it. Questioning it and his feelings. Consuming himself in the smallest details and each conversation he has with Benjamin. Moving past the talking and to the sex, the love, they shared between each other.

'Another month. Another end of the week.' he is reminded looking forward next to the television where the calendar is pinned to the wall with the month of January displayed of another new year for once spent ending and beginning the new year with someone he know he loves.

He should be happy. He should be thrilled and over the moon still in this early stage of their relationship but instead Piercen is beginning to feel bored. He's losing the feeling of satisfaction but that does not mean he is considering 'getting rid' of Benjamin or that the love faded. No, he's just wanting something in life to add a little more...fun?

Is finding that special someone in his life truly enough? Can he really feel happy and complete with no dark thoughts? Does the future hold something so amazing with this man he hadn't known he would fall in love with forever? Can everything be picture perfect for a murderer when his victim has given in to play by his rules? Or is there sickening tenancies welling up inside ready to erupt and ruin everything?

The same questions begin to linger in the depths of him. Unconsciously playing out in dreams he is attempting to shrug off and not look into. Constantly resurfacing whenever he leaves Benjamin down below still unable to trust him to come out of the darkened dungeon.

He takes another drink of his beer before shutting off the television with the answers unclear tonight but hopefully soon they will be answered. Or maybe the answers are clear as daylight that murder is never far from Piercen's tainted deranged mind.