today is Wednesday, the 22nd. my last full day here. today, Sydney stayed at her house to just stay calm and be in the peace and quiet. she said she would've loved to have come to hang out with me but she felt overwhelmed with plans. I understand. I have missed her all day. all damn fucking day. and what really sucks is my last day here is tomorrow. we will be checking out of the hotel at 11 am. I don't wanna leave, I don't. I love being so close to her. I love being able to text her and say "hey darling come see me" and her show up 10 minutes later. I love her. or..well. yeah. she means the world to me still. the thought of saying goodbye is hurting. the thought of not being able to say goodbye hurts even worse though. I'd give anything to always have her near me. it's currently 4:30 pm as my last full day draws to an end. and I really just want to bawl my eyes out. this is it. saying goodbye...isn't gonna go down good. it's gonna hurt. it's gonna hurt me like hell. but maybe I'll see her again. maybe I can convince my parents to let me keep talking to her. if I could describe the pain I feel right now, I wouldn't. because I don't want anyone to know what this feels like if they don't have to. I don't want anyone to understand how I'm feeling if they don't already know. I love her. I need her and I want her. and this...is not how this trip was supposed to go. at all. we were gonna spend all this time together. never leave each other's side. but we spent more time separate than together. I miss her. it's making me wanna puke I miss her so much. this girl has made me go crazy. and I don't know what I'm gonna do next. I just pray I can see her one last time.
