I Need To Be Loved (Ricky Horror Fan Fic) [Book #1]

She Fell In Love

The next day, Ricky came to pick me up again. He said since we really didn’t get to hand out yesterday because of my dad we should spend the day together. While spending the whole day with Ricky seemed pretty awesome, it also made me nervous. Seeing my dad brought back my doubts about relationships and love. I thought I was ready to move on and live for now, but I guess I was wrong. I wanted to, but seeing my father made me think about all the hurt and pain he caused my mum and me and I just didn’t want that to happen again. I guess it was wrong to group all guys together and say they all would hurt me, but it was better to be safe than sorry in my opinion.

As Ricky and I walked along, I let out a sigh. Why did I have to like Ricky so much? Why did he have to be so perfect? “What’re you thinking about?” he questioned looking over at me with those amazing blue eyes.

“Just about my dad,” I responded vaguely. I could feel my nerves increase and I pulled out my cigarettes. I handed one to Ricky and lit up my own.

“How did that go after I left?” he asked curiously. It was nice to have someone car. Jeremy hadn’t really been that worried about it when I told him. Shocked, yes, but now worried.

I shrugged. “Ok. I guess. I kinda wish he hadn’t come though,” I replied before taking  drag of my cigarette. All my feelings were so jumbled up again because I had seen him. Just when I thought I had things figured out, he came back and screwed everything up again.

“Really? I thought you’d be glad to see him. Well, not glad, but at least you got some of your feelings out,” he said. The problem with getting my feelings out was that I was now confused.

“I don’t know. I guess I was starting to come to terms with him leaving and seeing him again just made me upset again,” I told him. It was the truth. I had finally started to let all the hurt and the pain go now that I had met Ricky and he had just brought it right back.

“I understand. I can’t imagine not seeing my dad in fourteen years and then him just showing up out of the blue,” he sympathized. I shoved my empty hand in my pocket as my mum popped into my head. I couldn’t get her off my mind last night. I wanted to call her, but I couldn’t. She couldn’t afford it and anyway with the time difference she probably wouldn’t have picked up anyway. I wished I could fly back home. Not to Philadelphia. I wanted to go home to Australia.

“I wish I could go back home,” I mumbled kicking a rock with the tip of my black boot. He didn’t say anything and I don’t think he understood. I just wanted to be hime on that mattress on the floor and looking around our run-down apartment waiting for my mum to come home. It was funny how I had everything I could dream for now, but I wanted something I used to hate.

“To Philadelphia or Australia?” he questioned. He looked down at the ground and stared at his own black shoes as we walked along. We weren’t really going anywhere in particular. We were just walking around and being together. I liked that we didn’t have a direction. 

“Australia,” I answered. Thoughts of the sunny beach came into my head. That’s what I used to love most. I used to escape all my problems at the beach. It was the one place where I could go that was free and could be alone after the sun went down. I missed those times so much. I of course missed my mum more though.

“Oh,” was all he said. As nice as it was to have someone to have a serious conversation with, I knew he didn’t understand. It wasn’t his fault because no one truly understood and at least he was kind enough to listen.

“I really can’t imagine what you’ve had to go through,” he told me after a few moments of silence. I didn’t reply. I just looked down at the ground. “It must suck,” he added causing me to chuckle.

“Yeah, it did. It does,” I replied. Life sucked. I had gotten used to that. It all sucked and there was nothing I could do about it.

“You know, if you ever need to talk, I’m here,” he mumbled after taking a drag of his cigarette. The thought of talking to Ricky about my shitty life made my stomach churn. I never liked talking about my feelings. That was probably why I had so many old scars on my wrists.

“Thanks,” I mumbled back. Even though I would never talk to Ricky about my sucky life, I liked that he cared enough to offer to listen. Jeremy was the only one I would ever talk to about my family.

“Midnight, I-” he started but was interrupted by Jeremy. I could tell whatever he was about to say was important.

“Midnight, we’re doing a signing in fifteen minutes,” Jeremy told me. To be honest, I really just wanted to stay here with Ricky. The thought scared me. Just a week ago, I was afraid to let him in. He had broken down my walls so quickly.

“Ok, I guess I’ll see you later, Ricky,” I told him reluctantly. I followed Jeremy to our merch tent after putting out my cigarette.

The signing was long, but was definitely worth it. I always love meeting fans, but I couldn’t get Ricky off my mind. What was he going to tell me that looked so important?

Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long after the signing. Ricky quickly found me again. I couldn’t help but think that he made a special effort to find me. As the thought entered my mind, I felt a smile appear on my face. Why did I have to have feelings for him? It was all so confusing.

“So, uh, what were you going to say before I had to go?” I questioned looking up at him. As the words came out of my mouth, a blush formed on his face.

“I forget,” he mumbled quickly. He lit up a cigarette. It was obvious he was lying. Did he really think that I was going to drop it that fast? Whatever it was it obviously wasn’t that forgettable.

“Don’t lie to me,” I told him hitting him playfully. He forced a smile and kept walking. His behavior was making me worry. He usually was smiling and happy when we were together.

“It’s not important,” he insisted. He looked down at the ground as I gave him a look to tell him that there was no way in hell that I was believing that.

I was about to say ‘fine, don’t tell me,’ when he started to speak. “I was gonna say that, uh, I-I really... um, like you,” he stammered. I froze in our path and he stopped walking, too. He liked me? How could he like me? I was so fucked up and broken inside. There was no way someone could like me.

But, he had just said he did, Midnight, I told myself. He wouldn’t say something like that if it wasn’t true. How could it be true, though? Did I want it to be true? Well, of course I wanted to be true. I hadn’t ever liked someone the way I liked Ricky. I was falling for him no doubt, but something in my head was telling me he would just leave and I would end up getting hurt. ‘You need to live in the moment,’ Jeremy’s voice told me. I needed to let my father go. I just needed to be happy.

“Can you say something? You’re scaring me,” Ricky told me pulling me out of my thoughts. Instead of saying anything, I reached up and pulled him into a kiss. It was like something came over me. At first he seemed shocked, but after a few seconds he kissed me back. As cliche as it sounds, it felt like fireworks exploded in me and the butterflies in my stomach erupted. I felt my fingers tangle in his long black hair and his arms snake around my waist.

I could’ve stayed there kissing him all day, but after a few moments he unfortunately broke away. “I’ll take it that means you feel the same,” he said with a grin. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be standing in the middle Warped Tour kissing a guy that I truly liked.

“Yes,” I replied as a smile curled on my lips. I reached up again for another kiss. I had no idea where all this newfound confidence had come from, but I liked it. And I liked him. I think I might even love him.