Uncertainty | Phan (Story One)

One

x

Dan's POV

There was a difference between being upset and being pissed off at something. There was a difference between hurting your best friend and just being agitated. Phil didn't seem to know it though as he was doing it all.

Only today it was different. He was ignoring me now. All the times before he would say something about the way I was and then go to his room only to apologize an hour later and help make dinner with some anime.

All the times before it didn't seem to matter anymore, we would laugh and be happy but today he stayed in his room. I even knocked but he told me to go away.

"Phil! Want some toast?" I call up the stairs to him just as his door opens. Might as well start a discussion with him.

He hops down the stairs fixing a the sleeve of a fancy shirt. He had his glasses on and a tie just adding the cherry on top. He couldn't even look me in the eyes as he glanced around for his wallet.

"Phil?" I asked with a pleading voice. With that something flashed in his eyes before finally meeting mine. He bit his lip anxiously from my gaze.

"Have you seen my wallet anywhere?" He pats his pockets and turns around looking around the tv.

"Would you like some toast?" I ask again, ignoring his question, but this time I felt smaller. Like my voice was blocked out by water. I could scream and he wouldn't hear me even though he's just in the other room and I could see him.

"Actually I'm going out for pizza with someone" he answers not looking at me again.

"Pizza? In that shirt? Who's the someone? Is it a girlfriend? Do I know her?" I find myself not only thinking all my questions but asking them out loud.

"Just a quick bite to eat then I'll be back home" he mumbles and picks up his found wallet walking passed me. I reach out for his hand but he's already too far, going downstairs for the door.

He leaves without another word from either of us.

I find myself abandoning the toast and walking straight into his room. It smelt like him but a rather stronger cologne than what he normally wears. Whoever this person is he's going out to see must be special for him.

So special that I may not matter in his life anymore.

Without thinking, I take one of his shirts and switch it with mine just to smell him while I wait for him to come back. Why? Honestly I have no idea. He's nothing more than a best friend.

...but... Do I want him to be more?

No stop thinking like that of course I don't. I think I would have wanted that when we first met but even though I thought he was hot asf I ignored this feeling and after a while it payed off because I was able to concentrate more on my job than blushing about him.

I fall into my sofa crease and go on tumblr like normal and try to ignore the events before. The tv is playing in the back but I can't hear it. The posts are flying by my eyes but I don't see them.

Why are we like this? Am I such a bad person Phil doesn't like me anymore? What about youtube? Will it affect our jobs? Our fans? What about the radio show?

But what about us? Will we break away? Will he move out? The flat would be so dead without Phil. He makes it warm- not because of the almost fire from the still lit candles at three in the morning- but because he's.. Phil. That's the best way I could explain it.

Honestly I'm probably just scared. Phil is my first and only friend... the only person I really care about. I would go back and do all of this, every disagreement every cringe and awkward moment just to go through all the laughs and pure joy again.