Uncertainty | Phan (Story One)

Six

x

It was only Saturday. I made a danisnotonfire video to distract people from everything going on. Maybe I even distracted myself. 

I hadn't eaten much since Phil but I was still alive so. In the middle of cleaning, the doorbell rang. In all honesty, I ran down to get it hoping it was Phil.

"Phi-" I started but saw it was Pj. "Oh. Hey Peej." 

"You seem excited to see me." He chuckled sarcastically, entering and taking off his shoes kindly. 

"No I am really. I was just expecting someone else." I closed the door behind him and went into the lounge with him following. He hummed at me showing me he had heard what I said but just didn't know how to reply. 

"Is Phil around? I accidentally took his fox socks and I need to return them." He held up the stolen fabric. 

"Uh..." What do you say to a friend about a best friend moving out without notice? "He's at the shop. I'll give it to him when he comes back." I reached for them but he turned away and walked to the couch, taking a seat. 

"I can wait. Plus I want to know more about this Liz girl." He smiled. "What've you been up to Danny?" 

"Just... cleaning" I smiled back at him and picked up the pillows to re-fluff them. 

"Cleaning is always fun when you have music." Pj tapped his fingers, looking around for something to talk about. 

"Phil like just left so he may not be back for a while if you want to come back another time." I spoke quickly trying to sound happier than I was.

He studied me. I knew he could always see through my smiles, laughs and banter but it's worth trying. 

"He's not coming back is he?" His voice was low and filled with sorrow. 

All I did was shake my head when the tears started pouring. I felt so bad as he rushed to my side to comfort me. This wasn't his place. I was basically dragging him down with me. 

As I told him the story of how Phil left, my heart pounded harder than it ever has in my chest. My hands shook worse than they've ever shaken. I leaned as far into him as I could using his body for support. 

"Hey why don't you go lay down and I'll call Phil." Pj suggested. We started walking to my room. 

"No don't call him. He can't know." I begged him as he laid me down in my bed. I sobbed into my pillow, pulling on his arm to stop him. 

He laid next to me, keeping me curled up against his chest. No one ever knew what to do in these situations except Phil. 

We were quiet for ten minutes. I had stopped crying but my breathing was still awkward. He was rubbing my back the whole time. 

"Do you think they've ever had rough sex?" I blurt out and looked at his face. Something flashed in his eyes almost like a realization. His brain was always running I wish I knew what went on up there. 

"No. Phil's gentle and loving." He answered honestly. I smiled a bit.

"How do you know that?" I asked and laid my head back into his chest. I felt him shrug. 

"It's just... Phil." He whispered. I closed my eyes and embraced the warmth of my friend. 

-

A cold breeze flushed over me waking me from my nap. Pj wasn't next to me and my window was open. I closed it as quickly as I could and dressed in a onesie to keep warm.