[filler. also hi]
I of course didn't let anyone in and acted like I was okay because thats what I always fucking did. I never liked having people worry. But I think acting like I was okay made them worry more. Pete couldn't get me to talk to him about it and it drove him nuts. Andy couldn't get me to talk either. I talked to Joe though. I trusted Joe for some reason more than I trusted Pete or Andy. He knew what I was now. He knew what I did. It was definitely taking a toll on my relationship with Pete and Andy. Pete was always mad he started fights on a daily basis. Andy wouldn't talk to me even if Joe tried to get him to. So I spent most of my time out with Joe. He dropped me off at the door step after we went out to eat. Well, he ate. I attempted to drink a water but almost puked.
"You gonna be okay?" he asked.
"Yeah" I smiled.
"Maybe you should talk to him Patrick. He's your husband" He bit his lip.
"When I'm ready. I haven't even talked to Andy about it yet. You're the only one" He smiled a little.
"We just care about you Patrick. Especially Pete. I think that's why it's driving him so insane. He loves you Patrick he wants you to be okay"
"I'm okay!" I yelled. I smiled widely "Look I'm okay I'm fine!"
"Patrick-"
"Really Joe I'm happy! My marriage is falling apart my other best friend hates me and I murdered my dad! But look I'm still fine!" I still kept the smile on my face. Was I okay?
"It's okay to not be" He said gently. I frowned now. He looked behind me. "Hi Pete" he smiled.
"Hi Joe" he mumbled. I took a shaky breath and looked up at Pete.
"I'm" I gulped "I'm in pain" I whispered. Pete raised his eyebrow at me. I hugged him tightly. He placed his hand on my back. "I love you" I mumbled.
"J-Joe maybe you should go" Pete mumbled.
"Oh, right. See you guys later" I hid my face in Petes neck. His grip tightened around me.
"Can we work it out? I don't wanna lose you" I whimpered. I wanted to cry. Why couldn't we fucking cry?
"You weren't gonna lose me"
"Lets just talk. Let's talk like we used to" I mumbled.
"Thats what I've been asking for since the beginning but you kept telling me you were fine"
"Then let's talk now"
-----
We talked for a good two hours. We even made each other laugh sometimes. It felt good. Good to laugh and good to be okay with Pete again.
"Why can't we cry?" I asked. He shrugged. "Cause I wanna cry but I can't" He frowned and pulled me onto his lap. I hid my face in his neck.
"Thank you for letting me in" He mumbled.
"Thank you for listening" I smiled.
"I'll always listen" he kissed my forehead.
