The Last Year

"Feelings"

I got into Jeremiah's car. My head was spinning. I was basically sneaking out with Jeremiah Parker. "Where are we going?" I ask turning to look at him. "Somewhere." He says smiling. "Can you be more specific?" I say. "Mia you think too much. Let go and trust me. I know what I'm doing." He says driving a little faster. I breathe I'm a deep breathe. He truly wasn't drunk which I was happy about. I could trust him. Things were different now. He wasn't going to hurt me. "How was the sleepover?" He says. "It was fun. I really got to know Kate better tonight." I say smiling. "Really? And what did you think of her?" He says. "I think she's right for you. She has your whole future planned out. She's well thought out and organized unlike you." He laughed and he turned and looked at me. The way he looked at me reminded me of how he looked at me the first day of school a year ago. It was like he was seeing right through me. "You really think she's good for me?" He says. I couldn't help but notice how close our hands were once again. "Yes." I said not taking my eyes off of him. He parked near a lake that wasn't far from our school. It was beautiful at night. "Mia you don't mean that." He said. "Yes I do. Jeremiah you guys are perfect for each other." I say looking away this time. "Stop hurting yourself. Your feelings for me never stopped." At his words I get angry. "You don't know what you're-" he then cut m off. "Mia Lurks you've liked me since that first day of math class a year ago." He said rather close to me now. "Jeremiah I admit I had feelings for you once but-" Once again I was cut off. " 'Feelings?' Mia you had more than 'feelings' for me." At this I don't say anything back. I then noticed that he was close enough for him to kiss me. "Why are you doing this?" I ask. Truly I wanted to know. "Mia a year ago you told me you had 'feelings' for me and then you ran off before I could ever respond. So this is me responding now." He says. Suddenly my stomach does a flip. What was he doing? He was being incredibly stupid but I couldn't help but be happy at what he was saying. "Parker don't you think it's a little late to respond?" I say. We were so close now I could practically feeling his breathing. "I don't think it's too late for anything." And just like that he kissed me. I had been kissed only one other time and that was when I played spin the bottle with a bunch of friends and I had to kiss Jared. It was nothing compared to this. This was like an explosion was going off in my chest. I suddenly pushed away. "This is wrong." I say almost in tears. "Mia .... I" he tries to say something but I cut  him off. "Why do you do these things to me?" I say crying now. "Mia.." He says. "Don't. We both just cheated. I can't believe this." I say trying to remember how to breathe. "Just take me back to Kate's house." I say turning away from him. Without a word he drove me there. When I started to get out I said "If you tell anyone I'll kill you myself. This never happened. It was a mistake." Before I could completely leave the car he grabbed my arm. "Mia I don't regret anything I did tonight and to me it wasn't a mistake." I jerked my arm away and ran into Kate's house. I locked myself in her bathroom and cried. What did he mean by all of this? What was going to happen now? Why did he do this? Why did he make my world spin so fast? Why did I enjoy the kiss? Why did I want more? Why didn't feel like this dirty night wasn't a bad thing? Why did he have to make me feel so many things at once? I cried and cried. I didn't understand any of this. I then knew what I had to do. I had to break up with Wes and then I would have to stay away from Jeremiah. Kate loves him. Kate deserves him. I'm not going to be that person who ruins their relationship. I calmed down and headed to bed. I was going to make this right. I realized that night I still loved Jeremiah Parker and that I never stopped. But I'm not the one for him. Kate is and because I love him I have to let him go. It's the right thing to do.