Tell no one. [peterick AU]

Chapter 19: First Date

*a/n*

This chapter my be triggering. there will be a non-triggering summary bellow the closing  A/N. Carry on you little fuckers. 

~Patrick~

"Mom, can I go to party?" I asked. "Patrick, after what happened last time, I don't know how I feel about it" She said. "Its a new years party. I won't drink too much. Please" I said. "Is Pete going?" She asked. Why did she care if Pete was going? "I'm pretty sure everyone is going to be there." I said. "Do you promise to be safe? And that I won't hear about you waking up in an unknown place? And if you do, you'll call me, and have me come pick you up" She said. "Is that a yes?" I asked. "Pete has to pick you up, and drop you off. you got that?" she said. I squealed in excitement. "Thank you! What time do you want me home?" I asked. "Before noon tomorrow." She said. I hugged her then ran to the phone. I dialed in Pete's number. "Hey 'Trick, how are you?" He said. "My mom is letting me go to the party, you just have to pick me up, and drop me off." I said. "And what times do those need to happen?" He asked. "I just have to be back before noon tomorrow" I said. "Well, maybe we could grab a bite to eat before meet up with the boys there" He said. "Sounds good" I said. "Dress up a bit. I finally have an excuse to take you on a proper date" He said. I looked over my shoulder, my parents were intensely watching me. "Can't wait. What time are you coming?" I asked. "How about I swing by in an hour and a half." He said. "I'll get ready" I said. "Ok. See you then" He said hanging up the phone. I stood next to the phone for a bit. We had never been on a real date. We'd watched plenty plenty of movies at each others houses, and have spent countless hours playing video games. But never had we gotten dressed up and went to a restaurant. "Everything alright sweetest?" My mom asked. "Yeah. I'm going to go get ready." I said in a shaky voice. Why was I so nervous?

I felt the cold water over my body as I took a shower. Cold showers always helped me calm down. The cold pin pricks of water distracted me from the topic at hand usually. I scrubbed my hair and my face and body. It was the last day of the year. December 31st. And I was going to spent it with Pete. I smiled at the thought. It was practically four months. tomorrow is four months since we met. Since our first kiss. Since he promised me a date. I laughed. It took four months for us to go a date. And I was terrified. What if I messed it up? Would he hate me? Would he out me? So many things could go wrong. Maybe there was a reason to took four months to go on our first date. Maybe he was scared too. He didn't sound scared over the phone, but Pete always had a way with words. I turned off the water and dried myself off. I looked at myself in the mirror. How could he love me? I wasn't anywhere near perfect, or special, or anything anyone would possibly want. I ran my fingers over my collar bone. It was stained with faded purple marks from past make-out sessions. This isn't the time to get insecure, but can you ever control it? I wrapped my arms around myself and started crying. I didn't really know why. Maybe it was because I was scared, maybe because I felt especially insecure today. I sat down on the floor and put my face down into my arms, lightly sobbing. I didn't want to be crying this close to a date, but I was anyway. I started getting scared. There was no way the date could end well in my mind. I started to feel hopeless. Don't do anything stupid Patrick. I opened up a drawer I swore I would never open. I had never used used them. One time I almost did, but I threw them across the room that time. This time I didn't do the same. I slid open the top of the wooden box and looked over all the blades. I was not beautiful, I was not strong, I was scared. I picked up a blade and lightly ran it across my skin. I didn't break the skin, just felt the cold metal on it. I did it again, this time a bit harder. And again, and again, and again, harder each time. I soon had countless lines on my wrist. They were light at first, but got deeper as I went on. I switched over to the other arm doing the same. Going light at first, then going deeper as I went. "Sweetest, is everything ok in there?" I heard my mom say from behind the locked door. "Yeah. I'm fine" I said. "Pete just called. he's going to be twenty minutes late" She said. "Ok. Thanks" I said. I looked at my arms. They were covered in blood. I stood up and started to wash my arms, it burned. I winced in pain. Why was I such an idiot. You probably just sabotaged your date. He will never love me after this. I took an ace bandage and cut it in half, wrapping one half around each arm. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time.