Osamu Dazai X Reader Collection

【 Mushrooms 】

You walked up the stairs to the agency straightening your shirt and skirt out before you opened the door. You grabbed the handle giving it a twist and walked in. "Good morni-"

"(Y/N) SAN! PLEASE HELP ME!" Atsushi screamed as you walked through the door, not even managing to finish your first sentence.

"Why? what's wrong?" You replied confused until you heard some strange giggling sound coming from the far desk. You looked around Atsushi to see Dazai standing on the piece of furniture, his face a strange shade that looked rather unhealthy.

Your eye twitched as Atsushi explained. "I-I-I-it's Dazai San, j-j-just look at him!" You sighed and mentally prepared yourself for the oncoming trauma from your suicidal boyfriend. He started speaking as you walked past Atsushi and over to him.

"Ooooooohhhhhh (Y/n) Channnnnn... It's an emergency! Just look!" He did some strange movements with his hands as he gestured to thin air.

"Look at what?" You planted your hands on your hips obviously frustrated.

"At this!"

"Dazai, you're not pointing at anything... All I can see is your idiot face."

"I've finally arrived in the afterlife!!" He started to do some very strange movements and throw himself around while still standing on the desk. You decided to ignore what he was babbling on about.

"What exactly happened here?"

"Ummm (Y/n) San, this may explain it..." The waretiger stood by Dazai's desk and held up his book and a very suspicious brightly coloured mushroom.

"I know the complete guide to suicide was a masterpiece! Who knew I just needed to eat mushrooms growing in the nearby hills to have such an entertaining way out?!" After he'd finished is little speech, the crazed bandaged man strayed to laugh like he was some form of psycho killer plotting something.

You wanted to slam your head on the wall so hard right now that you wouldn't have to wake up for at least a week. However, that would be extremely painful so you just face palmed instead.

Holding the bridge of your nose, you closed your eyes an sighed irritatedly. "So he ate a shroom basically...?"

"Well, he thought he was eating lethal mushrooms, but- AHHHGHh!!"!

You tried to keep your cool as poor Atsushi was being tortured by the chocolate haired freak but it was working very well.

"AHHH, I've finally caught you, rainbow pillbug! All right, let's eat you back home!"

"(Y/n) San!"

"That's it! I've had enough!" You finally snapped, angrily stomping your way over to Dazai and grabbed his arm before he could fully tie Atsushi up. "Ok Dazai. That's. Enough. Let. Atsushi. Go!"

You managed to tear him away from the boy and drag him over to his desk chair where you restrained his movements. He squirmed in your grip, babbling on about how you should join him in the after life.

"Atsushi! Help tie him up!"

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After much struggling and fighting, you managed to tie Dazai down in his chair and tape his mouth up with Atsushi's help. Kunikida was no help at all as he said that he was working and you had to wait until he was done for his help.

After a couple of hours Dazai finally calmed down and you got up from your desk and walked over and sat on his desk in front of him.

You looked him sternly in the the eye and he looked back into your with a work out but sorry look on his face.

"Are you going to behave if I untie you?"

nod nod

"Do you promise me that you won't cause any more trouble today?"

Nod nod

And don't traumatise Atsushi either." You instructed as you leant down and whipped the tape off of his pale lips.

"Owwwwww (Y/n) channnn, that hurt." He whined and you rolled your eyes.

"Of course it it, it was duck tape." He pouted at you. "Oh you're fine... Come here." You reached out and grabbed his chair, spinning him so that his back was facing you and then proceeded to untie the bandages you used to restrain him on the chair.

"You're determined to stay sitting on that desk aren't you?" He teased as you undid the knot and he span back around and stood up.

"Well yeah I guess? It's comfortable so..." You folded your arms across your chest and he placed his hands either side of your thighs on the desk, leaning down over you.

You leant in and gave him a quick peck on the lips before hopping off of the desk, meaning that Dazai had to stand up properly again, and looked at Dazai's dissatisfied face. "What? Were you expecting some form of make out session or something?" You smirked and he screwed his face up at you and grumbled some incoherent words.

You reached up and neatened up his collar and then pulled him down and leaned in so that your mouth was close to his ear. "However... If you behave... I'll give you a little treat when we get home~"

You could practically feel the anticipation and excitement bubble up inside of him and with that, you pushed him back up, lightly flicked him on the nose and walked away.
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