Me, My Teacher and Lies

Chapter 12

Holy shit holy shit I kissed my teacher! And that was about the only thought that has been running through mind the past four days. We didn’t say a word to each other on the drive home I just muttered a thank you took Freddie out of his car and never looked back, how the hell could I? I feel so ... disgusting, I am disgusted with myself never in all my life would I have ever thought I would be capable of doing something so stupid and just plain inappropriate.

I don’t think Mr Greyson and I have exchanged a glance once in these days that just seemed to merge into one big awkward pain in the ass and he even stopped giving me the rest of my detentions. I have never been so ashamed of myself and every time I thought about what I did I would groan or cringe or hit myself upside the head but what made me keep thinking about it was that I know for a fact he kissed me back, and he was going to kiss me before I called him Mr Greyson – which now will be the only thing I ever call him he’s my teacher and that is how it will stay no matter how much I wish it could be different, no matter how many times my mind wandered back trying to remember the exact feeling of him drawing me into his arms –“God dammit”! I yelled snapping myself out of my very stupid thoughts enough to notice the shocked and somewhat amused faces of the people in my home room while fortunately for me Mr Phelps remains the old man I know and love him for meaning he was completely oblivious to my outburst while he was trying to figure out the computer and holding the mouse like it was a live hand grenade he expected to go off any second. I felt a quick jab in the shin and looked to my right where it came from to see an oddly concerned Jenny frowning at me in worry.

“What’s wrong”?

“Nothing I’m just tired”.

“Claire you have been all kinds of crazy these last few days we hardly talk anymore, seriously I have no idea what’s going on with you right now”. She was right I have been neglecting her lately but it’s only because I really don’t know what to say and I just don’t have the energy left to pretend to be bubbly right now which is what would make her happy, she’s always happy when I’m happy, I’m being such a crappy friend...

“I’m not doing anything this weekend we could go to the mall or something” I offered and an easy smile flitted across my face as Jenny grinned nodding profusely at me in glee.

“Yeah and you can stay over and we can watch movies and do facials and all that stuff”.

My smile became a little tight by the end of that speech but it would make her happy “Sure”.

“Yay” she said punching the air with her fist making me laugh.

A few minutes later Mr Phelps called for our attention to read out some notices.

“Alright anyone who is taking AP chemistry, biology or physics there are some opportunities for you of extra classes every Wednesday lunch break for extra support. Now the news you’ve all been waiting for I’m sure the annual fundraiser for the local hospital is coming up and your student body council has decided that this year we’ll be having a dance to raise money” there were squeals of excitement from girls already calling colours for dresses while guys grunted their complaints and anguish with many mutterings of ‘monkey suits’.

“Oh my gosh Claire we are so going shopping for dresses this weekend” Jenny wriggled in anticipation. I really wasn’t in the mood for a dance at all and they’re not really my thing anyway. The idea of being packed into a room full of people being insufferably happy made me want to hurl and I know I sound ridiculous but you can’t blame for being crazy right now I mean I kissed my teacher! A grown up and he hasn’t even tried to do the whole awkward talk about it like a normal nice person would no! He avoids me like the plague and it pisses me off at how much it hurts.