Me, My Teacher and Lies

Chapter 19

Staring at my ceiling was getting old now and my eyes were starting to sting from not blinking. I fell off of my high somewhere around two in the morning and had started a rapid decent shortly afterwards.

The thoughts that had my heart race in joy are now making my heart race in anxiety – I’ve done it again! I’ve fallen into his trap although in fairness to Mr Greyson he did initially try to talk to me first, then again when I said I didn’t want to talk I really meant I don’t want to talk to you or be around you, I’m leaving now.

Jenny will be so disappointed in me, and Mark? I feel like I should tell him, I feel like I’m cheating on him or something which is weird because I know we’re both just friends – we’ve gone too deep too fast with each other to ever be anything more. I don’t even know why I’m thinking about this because it’s not like anything else is going to happen – I won’t let it. I made up my mind around four that I was going to act as if what happened yesterday never happened.

It might seem cruel on Luc but he can’t honestly mean what he said: ‘I want you’ – he’s just suffering from some kind of mental lapse in judgement, he has been looking a little haggard lately and he’s snapped at nearly everyone and I’m not getting stuck in that mess alone when he wakes up from this fruit loop dream of his.

I’ve sort of gone through the night between scolding myself and letting the memories of the day before come back making me have a total of zero hours sleep clocked up by seven – time to go to school.

When I pulled up to school – my dress and make up for the dance in the trunk so I didn’t have to chance going home again; I was starting to get my heart beat to slow from my sprint out of the front door this morning – I was so close to getting caught and she’s not even trying to be subtle about it now so I drove the long way around and a little cry, but I’m fine now.

As per usual I got out of my car and walked to the building and saw Mark here bright and early as ever.

“Can you start picking me up for school? I have to leave like a whole half hour earlier cos of Lucas”.

“Sure”.

“Really”?

“Yeah I don’t mind”.

“Nice, so ready for tonight”? He asked with a big grin on his face.

“Of course I have a killer date”.

His smile widened “Really? What’s he like”?

“Handsome, I mean really”.

“Hmm, better than me”?

“I have a feeling in a sharp suit, yes”. He mock gaped at me but then laughed.

“You’re the best, you know that”?

“Not so sure but I’ll run with it”. Mark spared me a shake of the head and tugged on my hand pulling me through the halls to English.

We went straight into the room and I didn’t dare glance up – it’s not that things ended badly last night with Luc, actually it was kind of sweet – after I answered my cell which for the record was my grandpa confirming that he’s still taking care of Freddie tonight, he just smiled at me – a real care free smile before he leant down and planted a gentle kiss on my lips before taking my hand and walking me back to his apartment and Mark.

He has no idea that I’ve decided to ignore it all and act as if it never happened and a big part of me felt bad but I can’t dwell on it now I just have to make it happen, it’s for the best... I can’t take someone else in my life hurting me right now and I’m trying to take Mark’s advice and fight back but with baby steps.