And this is how it starts // matty healy fanfic

chapter 14 - things are changing

I was awaken by Matty rustling for clothes. He seemed to be rushing and I was confused.

Why wouldn't he want to just lay with me?

"Hey what's wrong?" I asked with a smile on my face. Last night was great. Really great.

"I have to go. Like now. Our band has an important meeting with a big deal record label and I'm gonna be late. I'm screwed...." Matty said cursing.

I got out of the bed and pulled Matty in close.

"You won't be late don't worry." I said to him trying to relax him.

He pushed me off of him. "Naomi. I-I can't do this anymore.....I fucking love you to pieces but I can't. I've missed so much with the band because of you. And sooner or later, I'll be leaving New York..." He said to me.

"I freaking love you too but why aren't you willing to make this work? We have such great chemistry. And I could go with you to New York." I said hoping he would agree.

"All we seem to do is talk about sex Naomi. We barely sit down and just talk to each other. It's partly because your so hot. But we need to try and get to know each other because I just met you and I want this to last." He said while putting his clothes on and fixing his hair.

"Well you're right. But I want to make this work because I can't live without you Matty..."
I said almost about to cry.

"I can't live without you either Naomi. But I need some time to myself. Just to process everything...." He said as he grabbed his stuff and was headed for the door.

"No wait Matty! Let's talk about it! PLEASE!" I said with tears running down my face.

"I have to go Naomi. Please just give me time..." Matty said with a sigh as he closed the door on my face.

I leaned up against the wall and slid to the floor, crying my eyes out.

I can't afford to lose Matty. He makes me feel sane. I need him in my life.

"I always do this.. Always fuck things up for everyone. Must be my speciality. My mom died, my dad disowned me, and my sister won't even talk to me." I said to myself.

"I can't fall back into depression. I can't. Not after what happened....."

But something in my mind kept telling me that things aren't going to get better, that I screwed everything up and I can't fix it.

I cried even harder. The tears making my shirt wet. I wiped them off with the back of my hand.

I got up and walked to the bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

"I can't do it! Not again..." I said.

But something kept telling to do it.

And I listened.

I looked for it. I looked in the cabinets, under the sink, and in the shower. And I found what I was looking for.

I took the razor and looked at it.

I assured myself. "No one will miss you if you're gone. Your mom, dad, sister, friends, Matty, they won't care. All you do is ruin things....id be better off if I left..."

I took a deep breath in a brought it to my wrists and slit them.

Blood seeped from them, I looked at all the other cuts on my arms. I smiled as I fell to the floor.

My emotional pain turning into physical pain.

"Things will change." I whispered.

All I saw was the pool of blood surrounding my wrists and then it was black.

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Hey guys. That chapter was kinda sad I'm sorry. But self harm is a serious thing and if you know someone who does self harm, let somebody know.

But anyways thanks for reading!!! ❤️