Finding a dandelion in the snow

Chapter 12: The horrible news

Chapter 12

Peeta's P.O.V.

I went to school this morning. I don't know why. Maybe I thought that it would help me in some way, seeing my friends. But it doesn't help.

No one in school knows about Katniss yet, only our group and of course the teachers.

Though now at lunch the teachers are gathering every student in the auditorium.

Why am I even here? I should leave. This was a stupid idea. It's like I came here in hopes that Katniss would walk through the entrance door, walking along the hallway towards me with her beautiful smile. Sit with me at the lunch table, beside me in class. Do some of her stunts like running around school singing. She won't ever do that again.

Everyone are in the auditorium now. Annie is holding my hand, and Finnick has a hand on my shoulder.

We all know why we're here. But no one else does. I don't want to be here.

"Why are we even here?" Madge asks in a dead voice. "What's the point of this, I really can't see that".

"Me either", Annie says. "A part of me is gone forever and I'm in school, I hate myself".

Before I have a chance to say anything at all, principal Heavensbee starts talking. All of the teachers are standing behind him. Everyone with the same eyes. Sad and filled with horror. All of the teachers loved Katniss, she could make anyone feel so good about themselves and make them happy.

"Today we've gathered here in the auditorium for some really sad news. Today the school got a phone call that made a big change. We've found out that about two days ago, one of your classmates, Katniss Everdeen, has been murdered".

There's a silence. You could hear a feather drop to the ground. Suddenly there's a scream.

"NOO!"

I look a few rows down from my seat and see Cali Montgomery, hysterically crying out loud. She worshiped Katniss. Katniss saved her from committing suicide and ever since Cali has looked up to Katniss so much.

I shake my head.

"I can't take this anymore, I'm going home", I say.

I start making my way through the row and make it to the door. I feel everyone's eyes in my neck. Peeta Mellark. The murdered Katniss Everdeens boyfriend.

I open the door and leave the auditorium. I can't breath. The air is too thick. The tears starts running down my face. I lean against a wall on my hands. I cry and start hitting the wall. I hit it so hard. My eyes are tightly shut together. Suddenly I hit glass and I realize that I've hit my hand through the window. My hand starts bleeding but I couldn't care less.

"Peeta!"

The group has followed me out. And one of the teachers. They're looking at me I'm horror.

"The funny thing is", I say and look at my bloody hand, with glasspieces stuck into the flesh. "I can't even feel pain in my hand because the pain I feel inside is agony beyond anything I ever thought was possible, and the only thing I want to do is die! And why the fuck am I even here? Katniss is dead and I'm in school like nothing happened! Katniss is dead! SHE'S DEAD!" And I throw the bloody hand through the next window on purpose. The blood starts flowing even more and I still can't feel the pain. "I don't know what I have to live for anymore to be honest. Katniss and I were supposed to spend our lives together and even though we're young I know we were for life, and now it's all been taken away from me!" I throw the bloody hand through the next window. I still don't feel any pain. Why can't I feel the physical pain? I want to feel the physical pain! "Screw this", I say and leave them, walking towards the entrance to leave the school.